First off I have to say that Don Meredith, may you rest in peace. Meredith played for the Cowboys from 1960-1968, becoming the starting quarterback in 1965. While he never led the Cowboys to the Super Bowl, Meredith was one of the franchise’s first stars. It’s sad because even though I never actually saw him play, I still knew of him and knew his legacy.
Despite this sad news, I am annoyingly chipper for a Monday. I have no idea why. Maybe it was that I opted for Starbucks beans instead of regular ones to snort. And then I installed a espresso drip just now so I am flying high people. High.
Kids please say no to all drugs except the ones that keep you awake.
We got a Christmas tree. We always get the real ones. For one, a real tree means automatic air freshener. And at my house, we need it. Not that we lack in bathing. We just have diapers, and feet, and trashes that are never taken out unless I take them out. Goodie. So now for the rest of the month, my home will smell like a forest. Nice.
And second, personally, something about a tree that is plastic ( or whatever it’s made of) and that you put together every Christmas, just seems, well… sad. True, you’re not vacuuming every five seconds like I am now. I have been very fortunate because my little man doesn’t show the slightest interest in the tree. He was asleep when we carried it into the living room. And once he woke up, he saw and seemed unfazed. He was like , Ok there is a tree in our living room. Moving on.
However, it been there the couple of days lacking any type of decoration and garner. This is where the Scrooge steps in.
I hate to decorate. I also have the task of decorating the office every Christmas. And yes I do wait for the last-minute to do it. I just really suck at decorating and I don’t like to do it because it always looks, well cheesy.
So I attempted to put the lights on the tree. Easy enough, right? I must be Christmas tree retarded! I must be Christmas tree stupid! Once I reached the end to plug it into the extension cord I realized that I had the wrong end.
Jesus Mother of God!
So I took down all the lights. And started again. This tree is 7 ft tall. I have to stand on a table since I am hobbit size as Gus calls me. As long as he is not calling me a yeti, we are all good. So again, I rearranged it. This whole time, I have the kids screaming, running, chucking the ornaments around at each other or at the wall, the Cowboys were in overtime. I was stressing!
And I did this three MORE times ending up in the same situation.
The wrong freakin end!
Jesus Mother and Joseph!
I gave up and cracked open a beer. Yeah yeah Merry Christmas.
The tree conquered me.
Then when I was making dinner, those bad kids knocked the whole tree down. Pine sticks everywhere! I was this close to saying, “Now jump on it. Kick it to death.” Gus would have been very mad at me. So I didn’t.
I also saw Twilight Eclipse. We rented in ON Demand. I think I saw it like five times. Over and over. Then Gus chewed me out for feeling bad for Jacob.
“Bella and Edward are soul mates. They are supposed to be together. How can you be on his side?”
He doesn’t understand. Jacob is beautiful. I would have picked Jacob cause I could easily wash clothes on those abs! And I would always be washing clothes. And there is definitely something hot about him getting angry all the time. Definitely! And every where we would go, he would carry me. I get all gaga over a man that can carry me. Gus can but he says I am heavy. All I hear is Blah, Blah Blah I am lazy! And with Jacob, things would be so awesome in the winter since I am always cold. Imagine the body heat.
God I am so sick! Damn, is it getting hot in here?