In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

The Trouble At Age 5

I have a bone to pick with a lot of kindergartens, A big bone!

Well before I get my big panties in a bunch, I should explain.

In my daughters class, they have this system that each day there is a leader. And from what I assume from Savannah each leader gets to pick a helper (s). She has been leader of course. However, she gets hurt that the girls in her class never pick her as a helper. She has been telling me for the longest time that it bothers her.

Yesterday was her breaking point. My mother picked her up from school and Savannah bursted into tears. She said she had no friends. The girls never pick her to be a helper. I know this is important to her. She lets me know every time she carries their lunch pail bucket inside after lunch. Or who she helped take to the nurse.Helping is what she wants to do. She wants to be apart of the mix.

I am kinda at a loss for words. Of course, I got angry. Someone is hurting my baby. Yet, I know I have to keep those feeling to myself. Kids change friends everyday especially at that age.  Yet, other than a hug and tell her it’ll be ok, what else can I say? She doesn’t get the whole kids are kids thing. It’s her life when she is in school. Its affecting her. And whether small or big, her feelings are important. A part of me feels that she needs to learn to deal with types of disappointment. It can’t all be peachy. When we are faced with things that don’t go our way, it gives a chance to rise to the occasion as a winner, a problem solver, and definitely stronger.

I don’t wanna call Savannah weak. She is not. But she is more sensitive than my other children. She is more empathetic, more softer, and her feelings are hurt easily. She is shy.

Out of all my kids, I worry about her the most.  Because she still doesn’t have very much confidence yet. She is meek. Very very meek.

I was like that. I remember never playing with anyone in grade school. Hence I played with the boys because they aren’t judgmental and thus I became a huge tomboy. You don’t want your children to hurt. I certainly don’t want her to hurt. I gotta figure out a way to give her a stronger heart.

I asked a few of friends with daughters of their own. They all gave me some sound advice. Though, I don’t know if I should protest to the teacher about the way their system works. Couldn’t this be a good lesson in life? I have no clue.

So what I did was tell her that if I was her age, I would want to be her best friend. She seemed amazed by that. And I also reminded her how she felt each time she wasn’t picked to help the leader. I asked her if there was any other kids that were never picked. She named a girl and a boy. I then told her that they probably feel the same way you do. So when you’re leader, you should pick them to help you.

She smiled and agreed.

I want to raise smart, independent, and strong kids. As much I want to save from each and everything, sometimes I gotta stop myself and see how they weather their storm.

What do you think?

I don’t know what do you think?

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Comments on: "The Trouble At Age 5" (14)

  1. Its hard cuz we just want our kids to be crazy happy all the time and never feel any pain. But youre right, you cant fight all their battles. Somehow, all the bad stuff that happened to us when we were little (like hiding in the closet during a hide and seek game only to find, 30min later, that everyone else is now watching a movie w/o you), really shapes you and makes you whoever you are. Maybe this means that savannah will be an even more gracious and caring adult.

  2. I think that you gave her the best advice that you could’ve in that situation. My daughter is the middle child of my three and the only girl. She is now 12. She is the most sensitive of my three (one has to be) and I use to chalk it up to her being a girl. I think now that she is just a sensitive person. She has to learn that life isn’t fair and be able to deal with those situations while being sensitive to others in her predicament. That has helped her quite a bit, especially since entering middle school.

    You did great mom. Bravo! (My daughter always says that the hugs work wonders)

  3. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Poster of a girl, Poster of a girl. Poster of a girl said: The Trouble At Age 5: http://wp.me/pBdAM-8x […]

  4. Thats actually the best thing you could have ever done – KUDDOS (did I just type “kuddos”?) Seriously though what you said “I asked her if there was any other kids that were never picked. She named a girl and a boy. I then told her that they probably feel the same way you do. So when you’re leader, you should pick them to help you.” was perfect 🙂

  5. I love the comment you made to your kid. She knows that there’s nothing wrong with her and that she’s important enough to become someone else’s helper. The entire idea is stupid, IMO. These kids get hurt for something like this, because it’s more of a “popularity” contest than something useful. We weren’t “leaders” in school and it was OK. No hurt feelings. Poor kid.

  6. Wow…this is a hard one as a mom to hv to sit back and watch. Believe me, I am sooo protective of my babies! Forget tht they are 17;14 and 12!…they are MY BABIES and U DON’T MESS W/THEM! Right? I know u feel it too!

    But point is, when it comes to school, u pretty much hv to deal with it at home bc she DOES have to deal w/this daily…then next year it just repeats. If the teacher hasn’t already picked up on it chances are, whatever comes out of your conversation with her teacher, these are class rules and she will not change them for your daughters feelings.it doesn’t mean she doesn’t care, but she has a full classroom of “Savannahs” whether they be meek, bold, or neither.
    The advice you gave Savannah-I don’t think you could have nailed it any better. You are a great mom. And the advice abt the other 2 kids in the class….genus.
    When my oldest was that age, she also would say she had no friends, etc. I did speak to the teacher. She said “really? She feels that way? Because she is always playing or talking with ….” and named several kids. At their age, when something happens, u have to remind yourself “she is just feeling THIS particular moment” meaning, what bad happened at class..she is reacting to that moment…
    And remind yourself how you felt. Did you give up on having friends? No, you just switched your focus and the guys became your friends. Btw, I was the same.
    Savannah will find her way and as much as you don’t like having to sit back and let her feel her way, offering comfort along the way…and help her pick herself up. But you will see, she will become stronger and learn how to deal with differences in the right way…sooo 20 yrs from now, she won’t be one of those on Twitter (or “smitter, as it may be called then…..wait, hummm that’s actually better than ‘fu*k twitter for my new social network..yea…) anyway, she won’t be out there moaning and groaning abt things that don’t pertain to them….OMG, thank God WE don’t have the sense not to use twitter! But my mind wanders…..
    You are giving her the tools she needs to grow in this pain in the ass world.You are doing a gret job ……don’t doubt that.

    Love,
    AJ

    • You gave the best advice. You’re right. Every day I ask Savannah who did you play with and she names a girl or whoever. So she has friends. I didn’t want to take away from her feelings or downgrade the system or what not …. I just thought maybe she can help stop a cycle on her own for herself.

  7. Wow what a great post! I have a daughter in Kindergarten as well. It’s so tough when they are young. In my opinion your advice to her was amazing and I am going to keep that advice in the back of my mind for my kids if a situation like that ever arises. As parents it’s so tough to see your child’s feelings get hurt or when another child is mean to them. You want to go to the school or bus and yank that kid up and beat him/her. I have wanted to do this several times with my son and his buddy when they come home and tell me that so-n-so was mean to them. But we can’t fight all of their battles, they must learn how to work through them with our advice. I have discussed this so many times with other moms regarding home-schooling and kids riding the bus. My sister in law home schools her kid and it drives me nuts. Yes some public schools are questionable yadda yadda yadda and buses at times are not fun but they learn so many valuable life and social lessons there. I am so for my kids going to a physical school and riding the bus. I will always have their back and be their cheerleader but I will not fight all of their battles for them, I will give advice and hugs and be there when they need a shoulder to cry on.

    • Exactly. Whats is the deal with home schooling? It’s like, DO you want you’re kids to be weird and awkward?
      I had two friends that were home schooled. They were 10 and 11 and they acted like 30 yr olds already. So yea they were grateful to have on friend: ME!

  8. Quite a beautiful website. I built mine and i was looking for some design ideas and you gave me a few. May i ask you whether you developed the website by youself?

    Thanks

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