*Nothing beats an egg and bacon burrito and salsa from Taco Cabana. If you have no idea what I am talking about, I will ask someone religious to pray for you.
*I am totally stressed out. I have not started my Christmas shopping. Can’t we just cancel the season? I am already depressed with the recent time change. I just wanna cancel the rest of the year and move forward toward tax season.
*The 7th reason why I had two more kids. Tis the season for additional tax credit 2 and 3! Fa la la la la la la la la! When that check roles in, our home becomes the happiest place on earth. For one week.
*Prince William is getting engaged. So another $1,000,000.00 wedding? Oh, it’s not one million anymore? That’s now too cheap?! What happened to the romantic old-fashioned way of running to the courthouse on your lunch break to get hitched?!?!
*Scratch that. Nothing beats a bacon and egg burrito with salsa and the perfect coffee. Like 50 creamers and sugars! I am snorting it right at this minute.
*Barking orders at your husband is fun. When he does it, it’s just annoying it. Why is that? Ahhh, the mysteries of the world.
*Can I have the Thanksgiving dinner catered at my house? Seriously like, can Emeril come and just do the dinner for me? I’ll never leave his side as long as I keep getting refills of wine.
*I need to take multiple breaks at work. Staring at a computer all day just kills me. I think I will take up smoking. That or maybe snorting coffee more frequently.
*I saw my kids lists for Christmas. Oh my sweet Jesus Mother and donkey! I am pretty sure I will need a second job just to accommodate them. And then after Christmas, when I see the bills for that, I’ll probably need to get another job for that.
*Don’t judge homeless people. It’s takes a real special person to go with out a shower for days and sit in the sun for hours.
This is Marina here. All I want for Christmas or Kwanza is for a distant unknown relative to kick the bucket and have me as their sole heir to their entire fortune. The key is the relative needs to be lloooaaddeed! So if you can get some of your elf buddies to do this job, I will be extremely good the rest of the year. Yes, that means no following the guys that cut me off in traffic and putting water in the oil tank. I understand that’s why I didn’t get jack last Christmas.
*On every mother’s Christmas list: Something hard like Vodka or Jack.
*My three-year old asked me what mistletoe was. I looked at her, her eyes all big in wonderment. I answered very simply, “It a type of plant that gives you a very very bad red rash if you stand under it, near it, around it. Don’t even touch it! Not for 30 years.”
*After the circus, my kids now want an elephant. I immediately called the zoo if they have kid placement centers somewhere near the elephant exhibit.
*If I have to question if you’re gay, you probably are gay. If you don’t realize it yet, that’s fine. Many people don’t know that they are douchebags, stupid, etc. Hell, I just found I am eccentric.
*If there is a conversation around you but doesn’t include you, don’t get up laughing and immediately join in on the conversation. That’s just sad.