Who would you choose?
Jesus or Buddha?
Jesus, I bet, was a real cool guy. He had to be. He did magic tricks at a local party back in his day. And it wasn’t just pulling rabbits out of hats people. It was trying to liven up the party. And he knew that water was bland and wine was grand! He obviously was the original Fonzie.
And have you noticed how great looking he is? I mean, those abs of steel. If he were alive now, I would definitely buy whatever he was selling. Jesus Juice? Sold! Workout with Jesus? Praise the lord! Can I get an Amen?! Cause you know it would work.
Jesus’s enemy is Satan. Even if I knew of the two, my money would easily go to Jesus. Satan kinda reminds me of satin and soft. Sorry Satan. Besides Satan’s weapon is persuasion. Jesus is like a rock. And the way. He said so himself.
Important followers: George Dubbaya Bush. Not a good example.
And he never took shit from no one. Just cause he the new kid around Bethlehem didn’t mean he could be pushed around. He claimed that town like rappers claim the city of Compton. In the immortal words of the original gangsta (and no not Tupac!), “Israel Love. Israel knows how to party. Israel knows how to party. In the city of Damascus. In the city of Jerusalem. In the City, In the City of Bethlehem. We keep it rockin. We keep it rockin.”
Jesus was all about the people. Kids followed around him like candy. And who knows, maybe he was dropping candy from his pocket. Though nowadays, even I would be somewhat suspicious of the “Incredible Happy Guy with All the Kids Around Him.” Hmmmm.
Now who would ever take a God seriously with the name of Buddha? All it sounds like is an Indian hillbilly. Well that’s at least better than his real name. Siddharta Gautama. Say what? Buddha be tripping!
And he was because you can smoke Buddha! “We smokin budda…come again we
me rollin with me pass the hoota to ya
me feelin that
blunt so don’t let that budda fool ya
puff on the hoota…come again puff
on this hoota
sit back, relax and let the budda sooth ya”
Buddhists were for the most part vegetarians. So was Buddha holding out on his followers? Obviously! The dude defined chunky. And well, he was God. He had to have all the finest meats. I would. But maybe that’s why he came up with Impartial Love. “Please don’t look here, look IN here. Not here. IN here.”
Important followers: Kurt Corbin from Nirvana. And then he killed himself. Maybe not a good example.
His mortal enemy was someone named Mara. Already Mara sounds like a little bitch. Apparently Mara attacked Buddha with weapons and the weather. Dumb. Buddha is a boat all by himself. The god can float!
And he created one of the most famous catch phrases, “Karma is a bitch.”
Hmmm, it just might be a tie. I use “Karma is a bitch” a lot.
You be the judge.