In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

“She” is coming out

A lady happy with her performance!

By “She” I am referring to two different ladies. Here is what I mean. 


Today was Savannah’s talent show. She would be dancing along with her class to the Black Eyed Peas song Lets Get It Started. If anyone knows my daughter, they will agree that she is sooooooo sooooo very shy. For the better part of her life, she hid behind me right between my legs. She was your dream child when shopping cause she never ventured off. She would be forever stuck to you. She was our baby girl who never went anywhere without mom and dad. I put her in Tee ball and I had to stand right next to her in games and practice and even then she was too scared and timid to do anything. She even gets embarrassed when we catch her singing along to a song or dancing. She even calls it “her shy.” When she is nervous or uncomfortable, she will say “my shy is back.” 

But this young girl was a totally different person at the talent show. She was placed in the back line of the stage. Regardless, my girl moved like no other. To say she participated is an understatement. She grooved! She was even singing along to the song. The audience did not faze her. She was in her own little world. And she was getting down. My shy girl was gone.   

And yes, I cried during her performance. It was a stepping stone. She was doing it all by herself.  And I was so proud of her. I had been so worried and nervous for her. Little did I know, she was going to magically come out of her shell. Maybe crying was cheesy, but this was such a big deal for me. 

And too, change is weird. Here I was with my oldest daughter doing the things my mother did with me.  My mother came to my plays, my performances, and here I was repeating the circle. I had come full circle. And there is something sad but nice about that. 


Today there was a planned lunch with some of the ladies in our office. I am definitely a team player in my office or I try to be. And here we are in the restaurant, and they are all talking amongst themselves. 

There was a day when I was the center of attention sort of speak. I would lead the conversation. I hate awkward silences. Its, well, awkward.  I have never been quiet my entire life. And here I was sitting there in total silence. It made me wonder, What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I socialize with women? I have zero girlfriends. I am so handicapped in this department. I think it’s just because I am weird. I am borderline Sarah Silverman and Chelsea Handler.  But I am just way more cornier. Way more. And it takes a very special type of  woman to get me. 

I am girly in some ways. I like shoes and purses. I do my hair. I attempt make-up but my routine of that is simple. I am a bit of a lazy ass. That may be the root of all my problems. Plus I am definitely not into healthy food. For some reason, that seems to be a problem with at least some of the women at work. Not against me per se, but that’s what we definitely don’t have in common. 

So it really leaves me hanging. Cause all the women in my life are into make-up extensively.  Or really concerned about their overall appearance. I just make sure I am clean, smell decent, and don’t look like a homeless person. I have no taste in a particular style. In fact, I have no style. I just wear …well anything.  I mostly lean towards a tee and jeans. So again, what’s wrong with me? 

Why can’t I be a least bit interested in the normal things? Or why can’t people just get me? I like to joke around and make stupid observations.  And I think I still have this mental image I am still a child. Let go already Marina. 

Uh, stupid trivial things just to have some friends. Does anyone want a friend who is weird and strange and just says random things? Plus side: You will definitely be the pretty one! 

When am I “coming out”?!?! I need to just grow up already. 




Comments on: "“She” is coming out" (6)

  1. Your ahead of the game! I can barely put on eyeliner and who the hell invented eye shadow and WTF is with all the colors??? Dont get me started on wearing heels (death to heels and their inventor!) LOL 🙂

  2. blisstrack said:

    Hi! Well I actually think you are really cool. I like heels but love my Converse. I want to know how to put make-up on and look good, but I wouldn’t be ashamed of being seen without any. I don’t think it’s that important. So… maybe you are looking for the wrong kind of friends. And being random it’s not only cool but funny and makes laugh a lot 🙂 so don’t worry, you are not weird, from my point of view, you are more normal than your office women.

  3. Yeah I have to agree. You’ve just got your priorities right. Who has time to waste half an hour to an hour every day fussing with make-up? I never wear it to work, I only spend my days sat at my desk looking at a computer now. I save make up for going out somewhere special.

  4. I am sorely lacking the “female” gene as it pertains to: shopping (unless books, electronics, or stuff for my kids), make-up, clothes, appearances. My entire non-professional wardrobe used to consist of huge baggy t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers.

    Oddly enough, since I got pregnant 4+ years ago, I realized clothes that fit my body made me appear less of a giant cow (particularly during pregnancy, to show that I was in fact pregnant). And now two kids later and hell of a lot of working out to get my body back (as much as one can post children), I like clothes that fit… assuming I can find any.

    So now my wardrobe consists of fitted tees and jeans. 🙂 And sneakers or flip flops/sandals…

    See, I’m progressing in the world.

    Of course, I haven’t bought any make up since 2003…

    Maybe that’s why I don’t have a lot of female friends…

    So yeah, I get it. 🙂

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