I love to read! I am a total book-worm.
So I am trying to instill the love of books in my kids. And its working. We go to the library every Friday and check out a ton of different books. I try to get some books that they would never read so they can discover something other than Curious George and Clifford. So I, being so clever or so I thought, decided to get some Dr Seuss books. I myself have never read any of them. Well maybe the Green Eggs and Ham one but only because it was read constantly in the movie I am Sam. We first read one, the title escapes my mind, that was quite cute and entertaining with its rhyming. The girls who were skeptical at first began to love it. I patted myself on the back. I rock being a mom.
So yesterday, I pulled out our second Dr Seuss book entitled Fox in Socks. This title will forever be etched in my brain!
As I started to read the damn thing, I immediately knew that this was a mistake. Obviously it was tongue twister, And I was dying and spitting by the third page.
“Knox in Box, Fox in Socks”
“Knox on fox in socks in box”
Ok WTF. Even my kids with their brilliant imagination were like, “Mom why is he in a box? “
And my youngest daughter even asked, “Wdhere he going wit dis mama?”
I have no idea dear. None
And then the bar raised.
“First I’ll make a quick trick brick stack. Then I’ll make a quick trick block stack. You can make a quick trick chick stack. You can make a quick trick clock stack.”
Savannah asked, “What does that even mean?” Me, the brilliant mother, now was sinking. “I don’t know. Let’s just finish the book.”
And it continued .. “Luke Luck likes lakes. Luke’s duck likes lakes. Luke Luck licks lakes. Luke’s duck licks lakes. Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes. Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.” And … “A tweetie beetle noodle poodle bottled paddled duddled …”
“Mom what is a tweetie?”
“What is duddled?”
“Ahhhhhhhhhh, I have no freakin idea! Let me just finish this dumb book!”
Silence. “This book sucks.” I said closing the book.
“We could have told you that mom.”
My tongue was sore and spit was coming out in volumes. What had Dr Seuss done to me?! Then it got me thinking in frustration, What is wrong with Dr Seuss? Had he read his own books? They are ludicrous! I felt like I was making up words. And then the kids would ask what was this word was, what did I mean. I couldn’t say it was some stoned guy’s psychotic vocabulary. Well, probably at that point, their little ears were so tuckered out I probably would have gotten away with not explaining what stoned meant. And even so, Dr Seuss could have provided his damn dictionary or a Guide to Reading Any Dr Seuss Book.
Step One: Take one big hit off that doobie, That’s it!
This man, who ever the hell he was, obviously wanted to be a writer. And he didn’t make the cut. And so he decided to create gibberish and say this is a children’s book. And he wasn’t even a real doctor. Gasp! I feel a bit lied too.
Thank God Dr Seuss didn’t write Twilight. Can you imagine? My worst fears!
It would have been something like this: Edward to Bella” I must be far, not near, my teeth in your neck is what I fear. Oh my, I slip, I took a bite, how are we to stop the drip?”
Thank God for talented writers!