Sometimes my mind just does not stop running. I am always thinking. Sometimes I even have to drone my own self out just to get away. At least, I am not talking all the time. Cause then I would be really annoying. So here are my conclusions on a few things:
- I will not sleep naked. Nope can’t. I can be naked maybe half way through the night but even when I fall asleep I know still that I am naked and I can’t sleep. So I end up waking up in the middle of the night to put clothes on. My husband is always asking me to sleep naked. As much as I would like to say yes to his little fantasy, I just can’t. It’s clearly because of mental state but here is why I don’t. One: What if our kids need me in the middle of the night? I am gonna stumble in their rooom half asleep and despite what might be ailing them they are going to ask, “Why are you naked mommy?” Whether its 3 am and they are running a 101 fever, they will suddenly be bewildered that I have no clothes on. What’s my explanation for this one? “Um, I was gonna take a shower? Yes I know it’s still dark but I was a bit stinky.” Or, ” Darn those elves that misplace your shoes every day. They must have snatched my clothes.” There is no explanation even with a five yr old and a three yr old. I know I am shit up creek with no real plausible answer. The second and most important reason is, What if there is a fire?!?! Seriously, that is my biggest fear in the middle of the night. Are you are gonna wake up and have time to look for shoes and half decent clothes? No, you are gonna grab each other and probably throw yourself out the window! And I don’t wanna sleep naked cause I know I will have to choose between the kids or my clothes. So for sure, all my hidden goods will be on nightly display. Cause again, even if it’s 3 AM, the majority of the neighborhood will be out standing in the front yards in their warm slippers and robe. And here I am, letting it all hang out! What would the firemen think? “Please save out house!” Blank stares. “Yes these are boobs. My house is on fire! See fire! Hello, fire!”
One thing that bothers me is when people don’t help out the sterotypical things that are said about them. People say black people love chicken. When I am at pizza hut and I see a black person eating pizza, I stand up and clap. Cause guess what MoFo’s? Not every black person likes chicken. This guy digs Italian! However, some people just like the stigma around them and run with it. For instance:
- This guy—-> Hello, hi yes. Do you know what everyone around here is saying? Stupid Mexico driver doesn’t know how to drive and park either apparently! If you are from these parts, you loathe the Chihuahuaian drivers. Not only do they get the best parking place everywhere, but they are know to cut you off, make illegial turns, and just general piss you off. Yes, this guy did take my parking place. But then his small ass car decides to take two parking spots! Are you kidding me? You aren’t helping yourself or the other Chihuhuaian people. There must be an explanation for this behavior. They must all take school on how to drive to piss people off. Oooo, that makes me so mad!
There is a big difference between being gay and acting gay. It’s ok to be gay. That’s fine. You are who you are. Or like Seinfield would say, “Not that there is anything wrong with that.” But acting gay …uhhh when you aren’t gay. That’s just, well, gay! And there is no real cue for acting gay, you just know it when you see it. This has nothing to do with real gay people. Cause when a gay man acts gay,well that’s kinda expected. That’s who they are. But when straight people do gay douche things, there need to be acting-gay police to kick your ass back to regular stupid.
When a dude is being a big pussy and he can’t take his friends riding him, GAY!
When you think you are The Situation and you are always taking off your shirt, GAY!
If you drive a Prius, GAY!
If you have a picture of yourself with the body of a centaur, GAY! (Sorry Alex Rodriguez)
Doing the robot is not gay, so your safe. Had to address that for my people of the 80’s.
And so is wearing a headband working out or not. Just plain GAY!
In case, people were wondering about these three things, I figured I needed to spell things out.
Til next time.