It’s so strange. I couldn’t wait to grow up when I was younger. I couldn’t wait to work, to drive, to be able to go to clubs, even to drink legally! I guess you could say I was in a hurry to grow up. And what seemed to take forever, actually didn’t.
When I turned 19, we happened to be camping, my family and I. I remember being so depressed because it literally felt all of a sudden that it went too fast. 19 was the final age for me as a teenager. It was just too sad, as if I was saying goodbye to something I didn’t know I would miss. And now that it was just seconds to the door, I was begging it not to go. I just stayed in my tent for the remainder of the trip cause I knew even since then: Age was nothing but a spiral to death.
Age has to be in cahoots with Death. They must have made some bargain. Age would give its victims to Death before they knew what hit them. Age tricks you and makes you feel like you have all the time in the world and then masks the truth with Dora cakes and streamers and the event of getting a car and partying in Vegas! Oh you’re a sneaky one, Age! And then, before we know it, your done with us and passing us out to Death like turkeys on Thanksgiving day. It’s sick. Just sick! Not Turkey Day. Turkey Day is great!
For me, it just all went so fast. First I was 20. Then 21 … then I can’t remember. Now I am sitting here 25 years old with just two weeks left of this age. 26! Oh my god. 4 years til I am 30. 14 years til I am 40. I am freaking out!! Time goes by so fast pretty soon I’ll be buying diapers for myself. Soon, I’ll be buying denture cream and yelling at people to speak up. Now I know why birthdays suck. Death wants you and he will do anything to get you! And Age, oh conspiring Age, paints it all pretty with birthday cake and presents. Yet, when the day is over you are left wide-eyed and in a cardiogenic shock! Who is comforting you then? No one! Yes, you dumbass, you were fooled to celebrate another hideous, horrible birthday. And the most unforgettable present: Death’s present. A ticking time bomb! Cause your almost there.
So here I am waiting for this whole “building” I call life to implode. 26 years later and I am just withering away. Like a dead plant. And to think of all the plants I have killed. Oh the karma of it all!!!
Here it is: Nobody, Nobody better wish me a happy birthday. Its like saying Are you happy you’re almost dead?
There is nothing happy about this birthday. No princess tiered cakes can fix this broad! So I am spiraling away. Perhaps I should ask for a will for my birthday and maybe start a deposit on one those scooters. I will also need to put in for those self alert buttons. You know the commercials: “Help I’ve fallen and I can’t give up.”