“Thank you ever so much. This is such an honor. Who knew that all I had to do was get up super early to post a blog. Who knew? (audience laughs) I would like to thank God for creating mankind, my mom and dad for shacking up and having me, WordPress for finally “seeing” me, and all the wonderful blogs that inspired me to try to reach my dream. I’d also like to thank my high school English teacher (cue symphony and I am pushed off my podium).
Seriously, it was like such an honor. I mean, who knows how they pick these blogs anyways. And so I felt like a queen for a day. Even a bit like a celebrity. And then, a strange change came over me. I WAS A CELEBRITY. I met like over 3000 people yesterday. They all knew me! Or parts of me. I am so popular. This is what I figure :
So I just got out of 0 margin I am ganging up on Kathy Lee Gifford and Carrot Top. I can def beat Lil Wayne as long as he stays locked up. To reach Jennifer Aniston, man, I might have to kill someone. Well first things first, right? So that was where I am in celebrity.
So to continue, this is how my yesterday went with my newfound status. I saw that I had a lot of comments. Literally it hit the roof for me, so instead of working, I just dedicated the rest of my day to replying and reading them. Come on, what are you with out your fans. Am I right? So right after work, I went and stood by my Tahoe and waited. ” Where was he?” I thought. I watched as everyone left and still no Emilio. I was starting to get angry. I was the last one to leave work and still he didn’t up. Finally I got frustrated and got in the car myself. Of all days, my driver Emilio didn’t show up to take me home on my first (and last) day of celebritium. So annoying. I gotta fire Emilio. I knew that I forgot to tell Maria the maid to get some lunch for Savannah’s lunch. So I thought I better stop. I went into Wal-mart, got my items, and walked in front of some people standing in front of the cashier. I felt a tab at my shoulder.
“Um, you just cut in front of all of us. There is a line!” a lady behind me said.
I looked back and yes, there was a line but clearly she didn’t understand.
I laughed. “Oh no it’s ok, ” I said patting her and looking at the others. “I got Freshly Pressed. It’s fine.”
I turned back to the cashier so I could pay, but then the lady behind me taps me again. Quite hardly.
“Freshly Pressed! What the hell is that? Are you stupid, do you know how a line works?” She seemed upset.
“Don’t touch me,” I squirmed. “Germs!! Emilio! Emilio! Fanatic fan!”
And they escorted me out. Safety for celebrities is a must, though the kick to my behind was most unnecessary.
At home, these little people (that’s what they liked to be called right? Little People?) were crying, hanging on me, Gus was asking for dinner. What was going on? Talk about twilight zone!
“Maria? Maria, where are you?” I said pushing these little things off me.
“Who is Maria?” Gus asked, “And why are you wearing Sienna’s tiara and plastic princess shoes? Are you gonna make dinner or am I?”
“Hold on. Maria??”
“WHO IS MARIA?”
I sighed. I patted Gus’s head. He clearly didn’t know what today was.
“I was freshly pressed today. Now get Maria the maid over here to handle these brats.”
Gus looked at me annoyed, “We don’t have a maid.” And he walked away shaking his head. He was probably in awe of t meeting a celebrity. I know I would have been if I met Jennifer Aniston.
So the day went well. Much confusion on who does what, but we survived. It’s really hard being famous. I even broke a nail.
Then when I woke up this morning, my tiara was broken and I was missing a princess shoe. I smiled. What a nice dream.