In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Sometimes I truly believe that men must be from another planet. No  not one of our known 9 planets. One far far away. We haven’t even discovered that galaxy yet.

For the past couple of days (note: Gus was out-of-town for two months straight), I rush home, fix dinner, clean the kitchen, serve Gus and I, feed the kids, sit down and watch some TV with Gus (though I am getting up constantly to get someone juice, to find Ryan’s “bowel” , or to remind those crazy girls don’t trash your room). After awhile, I start packing their bag, looking for clothes for the kids and get all their necessities ready for the next day. I put the girls then in their pj’s, get them into bed, read them a book, get Ryan a bottle and settle him down for sleep. I go back to the living to find Gus has left and headed to the bedroom leaving all the lights on, the food still needing to be put away, the TX on, and his nice little mess. COME ON! I then clean up after him, put things away, shut everything off and as I walk into our bedroom I find him fast asleep. How does it not register that I need help?

And being the mental retard that I am, I don’t say anything. Instead, I throw a fit. He then calls me crazy. I just hate to spell out every emotion.  Explain why I am so angry or pissed off. Or even to attempt to bitch about things because I am just terrible at it. Basically, I just don’t want to be a chick. But I faltered yesterday night.

me :”why don’t you turn off the light when you leave a room? You left the TV on and the food out.”

him: “that’s what you’re mad at … cause I didn’t turn off the lights and tv”

Are you serious? What kind of question is that? Among other things Gus! This was just the latest offense. Or more recent tickers! I told him that he needs to help. And he just stayed quiet. I don’t know what that means. If he got it, or just went on thinking I am crazy. Seriously though, how do you see this tiny woman running around, picking up things, putting things away, cleaning and all that and not think that she might need a hand. Doesn’t he know that I am freak when it comes to going to bed with things just so? And is it  a wonder that the kids always ask me for things? Not to say he is not an excellent father cause he is. No doubt about that. He is awesome. But I think  I have failed in that I designed this system that I can do everything all by myself. WITHOUT COMPLAINING mind you.  And I have. But I am reaching a stage where it’s like, man, I would like to relax to. What’s it like to do whatever you want whenever you want. I just want a little help and I don’t want to squawk about it when I need it. 

And it’s not to say that Gus is not a clean Guy cause he is. If I let him he could easily raise out water bill with his three showers a day.  Just sometimes I wish we could share in the responsibility of , lets say, changing a diaper, or getting the girls in their pj’s and in bed, maybe getting their Gatorade in their cup, milk in the bottles, etc etc. Cause all these things are repetitive.

And man sometimes, it would be nice to be little noticed  on all that I do. It’s not easy. Working a full-time job and come to another full-time job. As much as I wouldn’t change it for the world, I would change the fact that I haven’t gotten promoted in my 24/7 job. You know, promoted from delivery person, filer, maid, cook, waitress, and maybe be more of supervisor. Damn even crew leader.  Instead, of the crazy lunatic, bad guy.


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