In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Sometimes….

I was thinking of this the other day. Every time I see my little girls sitting on a chair and their little feet are dangling because they dont quite reach the floor, its make me very nostalgic. I miss being that innocent, and that free.  Nothing is more beautiful then little girls.

I have been pretty down lately. I just feel like I am missing something. I have been missing Gus lately. He is not away. He is very much here. He and I have been having a lot of stress lately due to financial problems. I know we love each other but we have been just getting on each others nerves that its just not been a good weekend. I wish I had been cause I miss him. I miss talking to him. We are ok now, but since he is actually leaving out of town for work tomorrow I wanted to spend some time with him.

Sometimes I feel that I get left behind a lot. I do it to myself too but I know that I do. No one ever thinks of me to hang out with or spend time with. No one even really talks to me. I miss being the other me before kids. Only just the self assurance nothing else. I love having my babies. They are endless happiness. Yet sometimes I just feel like once the noise quiets down that there is no one for me.  I dont feel like I need to rely on Gus when it comes to this emotional bullshit. I should be able to control my own damn emotions. I wouldnt even know how to explain how my feelings. I feel very selfish cause I know this year has been pretty rough on Gus. Actually rough is not even the word.  I love Gus so much but sometimes I wonder if he even sees me sometimes. I mean not like the mother of his kids or the good cook that i am (ha ha) but as the woman he first met. The fun out going person i am just has been pushed aside for the needs of others.  I want him to see and remember the person I used to be. And just fall completely in love all over again. I am still fun. I am not lame. 

God I have no idea why I am so emotional. I need to just focus on my family. There happiness is always mine.

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