In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘Random’

The Wind in My Sail

Sometimes there are things in life that make you extremely sad. That devastate you, that take the wind right out of you. It’s like to know the course of the ship and where it’s suppose to go, but all these waves and harsh weather make it feel like it’s impossible to get to the destination. In my case, I know I will get there but I will be badly damaged. There are things that just can’t be helped. The way a person feels, the way things used to be, and maybe the truth that you already know.

The inevitable.

I never been one to beat around the bush or linger in limbo but at this moment, that’s where it feels safer. I already know what’s going to happen. I don’t have to be psychic to see the damage that is lingering on the horizon. I feel it. I sense it. I know it. The way you see the sky darken and the clouds descend from the sky. The way you know that there is a storm coming.

There is a storm coming.

And I have no one to brace myself with. I am envious of  those around me that do. I am sick of seeing it. But like all things, you must swallow it and just move on. Cause that is all I have ever done. Move on.

There is no more time to review on what I could have done, or where I went wrong in the past. It doesn’t matter; and I’ll spend the rest of my life beating myself about it.

For now I will just have to figure a way to sail…

Sail without wind.

Pick Me! Pick Me to Be Your End of the World Buddy!

Yesterday as my hubs and I were watching the movie The Darkest Hour….

The-Darkest-Hour-2011-upcoming-movies-27890285-1280-1024

I made a keen observation when dealing with these end of the world, apocalyptic events. I already know that whether it be by zombies, aliens, or nuclear weapon, I know that my hubby has a good chance of surviving. In fact, I could almost bet on it. He is a conservationist and can make do with anything. He has  common sense and strong survival skills. Example: all we have at the house to eat is tortillas, peanut butter and spaghetti O’s.  Bam! He just made a feast! Also, he can build anything and fix anything.  He is very good with guns and can make a shank like a prisoner!
So in the event of catastrophic events, look for him. We will probably be overtaking a Wal-Mart.

Now, I realized as I watch this movie that women aren’t really valued to survive. How can they? Most are panicking and screaming their heads off most of the movie or until they die. I realized in the movie and like most end of the world movies; there are two types of women.

It’s very rare that you will find a woman survivalist. I am not a survivalist by any means. So therefore women will be classified in two groups: Women who will die vs Women who won’t.

Women who will die are easy to spot. They are constantly screaming and panicking like a mother THROUGH THE WHOLE MOVIE. In the beginning when you  first see people killed or dead bodies, its normal to be distressed and a little freaked out. But really through the whole movie?! After a while, I am just rooting for you to die. These ladies usually make rash decisions, completely not listening to those with common sense and objection to survive and let their panic lead them to final death! (Finally!!) They are basically running around like a chicken without a head crying and being Debbie Downer!

DD

Its excruciating! Where is your will to survive ladies?!?

Then there are those who will live. They may freak out at first but only in the beginning. After that, its game on. They get on a grip that this is their reality and GET THE FUCK OVER IT! They are constantly keeping themselves busy gathering supplies, keeping morale up, staying positive, learning how to use a gun, and just being whatever the group needs. Most importantly, they are listening to everything around them.

I would like to believe I am in that group. I don’t freak out or gross out easy. When my sister made me watch that clip of two girls one cup, I watched it all, while eating and not even flinching of disgust.  I am overly optimistic, I am constantly doing something and working especially in times of distress. I am also awesome under stress and pressure. In fact, that may be where I shine the best!  The only con is that I have late reaction to things . For instance, I don’t react to things the way a normal person would. I have no feeling for anything until hours later when I realize I should have been pist, insulted, or happy about something. That also may be a good thing but if I getting shooting at it may take me a while to realize that I am getting shooting at and that I should move to cover. Still just to be on the safe side I carry my survival handbook with me and I am currently working on an end of the world back pack complete with a  tomahawk, rope, duck tape, world map and USA map, nuts, granola bars, matches,  knives, and first aid kit.

That and also I plan to be attached to the husband’s hip. He increases my survival up to 40% as long as I listen and don’t get annoying.

The Motherhood

It Friday. Its the day to take it easy. Too bad I have been doing that all week already.

I found this awesome video. I wish I had thought of it. Seriously, I wish I could rap.

The Motherhood

or this:

http://youtu.be/rbBsDbkmYtM

or

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbBsDbkmYtM

Hmmm ok I haven’t figured exactly how to post videos on to WordPress since it got all updated.

The Essentials for Christmas/Zombie Apocalypse

Last night a discussion with my hubby reconfirmed my decision that I married the right guy.

We were talking about how nice the three wood shutters we have installed on some of the windows were and how they were really fancy. I expressed how much I loved them. Gus expressed that we should do all the windows but that it would probably be really expensive.

I frowned because I hate expensive things.

Gus cheered me up by saying, ” Well they would be really useful in securing the windows if there was a zombie apocalypse.”

That is how he normally gets me. He tells me he bought something and then adds in case there is a zombie apocalypse and I sigh a wave of relief.  I willingly admit it works on me every time because you never know. Crazier shit has happened! Okay, well that is not entirely true.
Nothing has happened that is crazier than zombies… at least not in my town.

Anyways, I have come to reason that not everything at our local Wal-Mart is we would need to survive a zombie apocalypse.

Here is a list I have put together with everything I would need:

1)  The Walking Dead Series

Never have I seen a more accurate portrayal of what would happen to the world if there really was a zombie apocalypse.  I will just remember, shoot anyone with the name of Carl.

2)M48 Apocalypse Tactical Tomahawk series

With a wide, up swept axe blade, the ATT has a massive slash for decapitating walkers. The secondary edge on the back of the head is specially sharpened on both edges for a hook attack guaranteed to puncture the spicy brains of any zombie. Lightweight enough to carry all day, toting the ATT won’t tire out before you get back to the safety of your camp.

Me likey!!!

3)  Bacon green beans

When I was doing zombie research, this kept coming up as an essential. I think the internet is trying to tell me something.  Plus this looks really good!

4) Dead On Annihilator Superhammer

  • Fourteen inches of forged steel multitool with rubber grip (forged steel!! *Tool man groan*)
  • Built-in:
    • Dead-On bottle-opener
    • Multi-purpose wrench
    • Nail puller
    • Demolition axe rips through dry wall, shingles, strips conduit, beheads zombies *
    • Chisel smashes through tile, brick, concrete, skulls *

    Need I say more! How is this  not issued to us once we are born? And… it will definitely fit in my purse!

    5) Plush Zombie Slippers

    Nothing shows more that your game face is on when you are sporting these babies!

    So if you are at a stand still on what to get me for Christmas, any of these will suffice. And you should probably think about adding some of this to your own collection.

    You’re Welcome!

While You Crying Over the Olympics/Cutting Your Toe Nails I Was Trying Not to Dislocate My Hip

As some of you may know … or not know …. I can’t remember whether I announced to the world or not that I went camping last week for four fucking days.

I am such a glass house.

I like camping and have been going since I was young. The only thing that sucks is the whole bathroom/shower and the lack thereof.

However we went to a location where there were flush-able toilets and public shower. So it worked out. All I had to be weary of was not catching foot athlete, hepatitis, or dislocating my hip climbing the big rocky hills to get to the bathroom and back to the camp site.  I went to the bathroom every 30 minutes!!

Why?

Because I have kids with bladders the size of grape nuts!!!

Ha ha I said nuts….
————————–

So this weekend…. I have no idea how I stayed in the loop with the going on’s of the world but I did. Because I care people…. I care.

I especially fear for you guys safety at Wal-Mart. Apart from the usual crazy people … there are REAL psychos there.

Be warned!!!

Meet Aaron Morris.

This guy is in jail because he couldn’t help himself.

Morris is accused of groping a woman’s buttocks outside a dressing room at a Wal-Mart in North Lauderdale.

During questioning by law enforcement, Morris copped to grabbing the victim’s rear end and provided an explanation, of sorts, for his behavior, “Her booty looked so good,” he noted, “I just couldn’t resist touching it.”

Shudder….

Seriously why wasn’t this guy’s face mased to death!

So next time you need to shop for dinner…. don’t!

———

A successful businessman is selling his life on eBay.

What the ….???

After working hard to build a business and achieve millionaire status, a Florida entrepreneur is selling it all on eBay. This includes his successful video game stores, two beachside condos, several expensive cars and three kayaks. All for the small price of $3.5 million.

Small?!?!? If you have that money, you are rich!! You don’t need this guy’s life. You obviously have your own!!!

At least make it affordable!! Can we do it in payments?? Can he finance me??

 ”My name’s Shane, and I’m putting my American dream up for sale,” the young businessman says in his Ebay ad. Shane got the idea to pass on his success to somebody else after he heard about other people doing something similar. What?!?!? There were others??!!

He and his family are in search of a new challenge, and want to visit the world, so they decided to sell everything they’ve built so far. “If you build a castle, it’s awesome to sell it and then start building another one, hopefully bigger and better,” Shane said.

Excuse me for being shallow but …. I wanna buy this!! This is happiness. I want it!!!

Get this guy a brain scan just in case….

——————

And everyone is just going gaga over Miley Cyrus’ new do. If you just went huh to that sentence … lucky lucky you!

It is apparently a pixie cut.

This is soooo not a pixie cut!! Isn’t a pixie hair cut suppose to be cute?!?!

Help me here people.

It’s like my mother used to say….

“Did she get in a fight with a lawn mower?”

The answer is yes … yes she did.

 

Friday Nonesense of Wasting Your Time: You’re Welcome!

Inspired by Irene’s post yesterday, I too will take the challenge. I too will give you useless drivel about me. Not only will it have no affect on your sleep, but you will continue on with your day as if nothing happened.

How is that not a deal?!?!?

Nothing for nothing!!

So, the rules of this “tag-you’re-it” are:

1. Post the rules. Check!!

2. Post 11 facts about yourself. Awesome! I love talking about myself… that’s why I have a blog!

3. Answer the questions the tagger has put in their post and come up with 11 of your own for those who you tag. I’m not tagging shit people! This is effort-free Friday.

4. Tag 11 people and put them in your post. How about no and say I did?

5. Let them know you’ve tagged them. Sighhhhhhhh

So awesome things about me so you will like me are:

1. I am obsessed with food. It’s a wonder why I am not 437lbs!!

2. I love my kids more than anything in the world… but my iPhone is a close second.

3. I have been attacked by one dog in my life. A fucking Cocker Spaniel! Seriously!!

4. I love babies. That’s probably why I had so many kids. So if you don’t want yours, I will gladly take your baby!

5. I am trying real hard to become an alcoholic. I keep forgetting to drink! And believe me, I have reason in the world to be the President of AAA!

6. I like to make CD’s for people of music I like. Except no one likes my music and I don’t  know anyone who would like me to make a CD for them. I used to make mixed tapes all the time.

7. I have an obsession with planes. I could watch them land and take off all day.

8. I am gonna have a mental breakdown when I turn 28 in two months. Just a warning if I make no sense in the next month or so.

9. I don’t understand why everyone loves Beyonce. I just don’t see it. She isn’t that wonderful. She even dances weird. Please see this video if you don’t know what I am talking about.

10. I am totally a yes lady. I say yes to everything. I am like down for anything. For instance, when I was 16 I was at drivers ed class. Nearby was a huge hill of concrete. I was dared to get in a shopping cart and go down the hill. I did it…and I totally did not die!

11. I have no shame and I don’t embarrass easy. I totally don’t mind me being the but of a joke.

Now to the questions that Irene so thoughtfully prepared.

  • What’s your favorite meal? Anything that involves crab legs. I got a thirst for buckets of crab!
  • What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Throw in a Snickers bar and it will be like what will it take Marina to stop!!!
  • What’s in YOUR wallet? receipts that are not important, my ID for buying fictional alcohol, and my debit card. Pretty lame…
  • Who’s your secret crush (be careful, it won’t be a secret if you answer)? My secret crush Kim Kardashian. In my next life I am coming back as Kanye West!
  • What car do you drive (do you really think I was going to do something like this without mentioning or making a reference to an automobile?)? I drive a Chevy Tahoe. What I really wanna drive is a 2012 Camaro or 1984 Chevy lifted truck with a short bed. Oh god, I may have just orgasm-ed envisioning this.
  • What is your favorite vacation destination? Anywhere at this point… even my bed is sounding fucking nice right now!
  • Who’s yo daddy? Well, I am not sure what you mean. My biological daddy? My sugar daddy? My pimp daddy?  My biological daddy is a guy named Eduardo Rodriguez. My sugar daddy & pimp daddy is Gus Sanchez.
  • Do you believe this planet will implode on December 22 of this year? I fucking hope so. I need some chaos in my life. Plus I want to put my survival skills that I learned from Bear into use.
  • What’s your zodiac sign? Virgo… I am a virgin.
  • Will Justin Bieber ever go away? I hope not. Big Fan!! Baby baby baby ….
  • Will Michele Duggar have more babies? Yes then they should do a documentary on what she looks like down there so everyone can know. Lets wear out that dirty laundry.

My turn!!!

  • Do any of you people know where I can find a distant relative that is dying and looking to give his money to someone?
  • What do I do if I got an itch down there and I am in the middle of a public area with no place to hide?
  • How bad will a Brazilian wax be?
  • I feel like making another crazy video. What should I do? My version of dubbsteping? Any suggestions?
  • Is Nancy Kerrigan still pist about the whole breaking her leg? She should let that go.
  • How can I get my husband to massage my back more? Is there a way I can train him to do every time I ring a bell?
  • Is there a way to get people to like you? I open to beating people down.
  • Does anyone else think Tom Cruise’s daughter look kinda alien-ish? Whoa maybe I should not ask that and maybe you shouldn’t answer. You know, for safety reasons.
  • Do you believe in Aliens? I totally want to believe in them. I believe in zombies. So why not?
  • Do you have a zombie apocalypse plan? I do… its become redneck. They survive everything.

  • Which celeb do you hate??

There ya go.

God damn… I wrote a book.

You’re welcome!

A Monday Post All Over the Place

So I am calling in a bomb threat today.

No reason just thought I needed a good reason NOT to go to the dentist’s office today. You know, cause there is a bomb.

I mean, yea sure, I may have called it in but someone crazy may actually follow through.

Hindsight 20/20: I probably shouldn’t have said the b word. I will be on the look out for men in suits running in the building. I am Mexican enough to probably look like a Middle Eastern person.

  I love America I swear! I never have taken flying lessons and I hate fertilizer!!

If I was white I am sure there would no problem saying the b-word. I mean… white people don’t even have to stop at the border patrol stop points around here. Not me. I have been asked many times to vacate the vehicle and watch as  they search the car. And its Mexican border patrol agents that do it too! I wouldn’t trust other Mexicans either I guess. I might be smuggling Mexican cheese or some foreign plants!!

But anyways back to white people…. you guys don’t know how good you got it!! Its like this invisible pass to do anything in the world.  Cause you can’t look anything else but white!!

I, on the other hand, look  Mexican, American Indian, an actual Indian from India, Arab-y, and whatever the Kardashians are.  I am lying about that last one. That one would be more of a compliment.

Once someone said I looked like this woman on a cover of a National Geographical magazine. I don’t have to tell you that you do not want to look anything or anyone of the Nat Geo magazine. Sure enough, the woman was of some Amazon tribe and she was missing teeth. Why? Because she was wearing them on a necklace around her neck.

See what I did there… I circled back to my main topic. That is precision. I am like a Gillette razor.

God I can’t remember the last time I was at a dentist. I mean I went when I was kid and teenager. But then once you become a teenager, it’s not like you are responsible enough to continue going to the dentist. You are too busy drinking and eating candy. Lots of candy!

This would be a good time to thank your mothers right now. If it wasn’t for her… I may actually look like the Amazon lady from the Geo magazine right about now.

I wonder how that Amazon lady is doing anyways. I hope she didn’t lose anymore teeth. That piece of thread holding her teeth looked a little flimsy.

It is funny because even though the pic of her possibly looking like me scared the crap outta me I can never forgot her.  Kinda hard when she are now scared to make facial expressions that might make you actually look like her sister!

Anyways, I named her Mooky.  I dedicate today’s post to her.

I  plan to brush my teeth fifty time before the appointment as well as floss like a mother.

Older folks don’t get visited by the tooth fairy. Instead we make ornaments of teeth. Hmmm, I wonder if there is a market for teeth.

Can you sell them to children??

I don’t know if you can tell but I am freaking scared.  Going to the dentist changes you. At least for the day. Your tooth-brush breaks because you use it forty million times in an hour. I was going to wear a cute little dress but thought against. I don’t know how far you gotta spread your legs on that chair.

If you didn’t know, dentist do things to you when you are put under the laughing gas.

Like have sex on you… or take your last $4.

I don’t know why they gotta do you like that. Maybe its cause they aren’t actually doctors and are internally pist.  They are doctors but they probably get bullied by actual doctors. It is very high school if you ask me.

I much rather them have sex on me… at least with the $4 I can buy a durable piece of cord for my new teeth assorted gems.

Fuck… wish me luck.

While You Were Experencing Beer Goggles/Taking Off Yours Clothes/Trying to Remember Your New Guest’s Name, I Was Hyperventilating Through A Brown Paper Bag!

You guys …  I am really going through some emotional stuff over here and I need your support!

Seriously.

Hold my hand … Good. Now look at me while you read my words… look at me!! Good.

In recent events, my world has been sent in a whirl wind. I don’t know how much more I can take.

It all started when Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt divorced.

But, but you promised to be together forever!!

Then Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe, J-Lo and Ben Affleck, Heidi Klum and Seal, Robin Wright Penn and Sean Penn, Scarlet Johansson and Ryan Reynolds, and then Katy Perry and Russel Brand. Who else could love that guy!??!?

I think of Kelly Preston and the fact that John Travolta might be gay!!

And when I think I can’t take anymore… I am hearing reports that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are on the rocks.

I can’t handle this information… my state of mind is just to weak!

I am losing it!

Please tell me there is some love in the world…. Kristen Stewart and Robert Patterson are still doing great, right?

Right?

Right?!?!??!!??

I see you all laughing at this blog… completely thinking that I am just kidding. Am I though? Am I?!?!?

That is why I became an alcoholic for a day and half. Vodka flavored whipped creme completes me.

—–

Now to the nitty-gritty…

Batman can fly people! He can!!

Some physicists nerds at the University of Leicester claimed that Batman could fly. However, he would travel so fast, his landing would be the end of him. Bat guts everywhere!

They did some study and their conclusions was published in published in the University of Leicester Journal of Special Physics Topics.

Nerds just ruined Batman for me!!

——

In Australia,  police responding to a call got more than they bargained for when an eager bachelorette party mistook them for strippers.

The women reportedly attacked the cops tearing at there clothes. Man, ladies… don’t appear so eager!

What did these cops look like anyways? Cause if they look anthing like ours…

I’m just saying!!

———-

And finally, we can all agree that people from Florida are crazy. Some deal in bath salts, some eat peoples’ faces. It’s a lot of chaos over there.

This story is just further evidence that we need to check the water.

A burglar suspected to be behind a string of break-ins at an apartment complex in East Orlando is stealing nothing and harming no one. The man prefers to lie in bed and talk to his victims, one alleged victim said.

The woman, who was not hurt, feared that the burglar would turn violent on her. She allegedly ordered him to leave the apartment and he complied.

Hmmm, he doesn’t sound like a burglar to me. He sounds like an unannounced house guest. One that you just don’t know. You can’t call him a burglar if HE IS NOT STEALING!

Police said the burglar hasn’t hurt anyone but that they want to arrest him as soon as possible because they are not sure what he’s going to do next. Investigators are handing out flyers at an apartment complexes in Dovetail Villas and the Renaissance Apartments, hoping for a tip.

“He had cologne on he had nice dress slacks on. He’s not homeless, mental issues probably,” said the alleged victim.

“I hope they catch him. He really needs to get caught because he’s a psychopath.”

Would you guys feel better if did steal your TV?
Make friends people! Life is bigger then your Facebook. Unless of course you have more than 1,000 friends. If that’s the case, stay home!

Wordless Wednesday- (Facebook) Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

I don’t have a Facebook.

Part of me doesn’t want one. I can not handle people that I went to school with trying to reach me. Seriously. I see old classmates and I duck and run. I am constantly checking the local arrest photos secretly hoping to run into a photo of someone I knew from high school.

I am evil … no need to tell me twice.

But when I see instances like these it kinda makes me wanna join Facebook to see these retards first hand.

Its like you don’t wanna be a part of the car wreck but you don’t mind watching from a  safe distance. Hopefully the people in these depictions are in that wrecked car.

Is there such things as too much information?

You may not know this but your pain is funny.

What is that face you make when you are Twitter stunned?

O0

-

Something like that.

All I can say is this status definitely wins Most Likely to Have the Cops Called.

Hey self-righteous chick, its the truth! If anything the positivity should be applauded even if it sounds trashy!

Yikes! That premature ejaculation is always a kicker.

I’m appalled that no one mentioned the good sense that occurs on Facebook every so often!

Never piss off someone who can not spell!

Whoa people of Facebook! The only winner here is Jason!

Round of applause for Jason!!

So there you have it… a sample of  sweet technology being used to air out all your dirty laundry.

Just make sure to air it out a safe distance from the general population!

Wordless Wednesday: The Most Annoying Thing

I have no idea what’s going on in Norway…. it must be the water they drink or maybe the chewing gum.

I am a little disappointed … I was hoping this was a Norwegian secret to removing gum from hair.

Now I don’t know what to say other then I am actually holding dead brain cells in my hands.

Go to the light my little buddies.

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