In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘Please Explain This To Me’

While You Were Partying/Getting Hammered/Waiting for the Zombie Apocalypse I Was Building my Zombie Fort

I still can’t stop shuddering over the face eating freak in Miami. If that isn’t a reason to freak out, then I really don’t know what is.

People it is time to commence  the freak out!

It is happening! The Zombie Apocalypse is among us!!

Miami!!! How can you explain this?!?!

A man was eating another man’s face!! Why am I the only one going crazy about this right now!?!?!

He wouldn’t even stop after repeating being yelled out by a cop. He wouldn’t stop til he was shot dead! Hopefully her was double tapped in the head!! And he was naked. Well both men were. This instance alone can’t scream zombie apocalypse louder!!

And now health officials are blaming bath salts for the instance! Are you serious?!?!? Could we be more in denial?!?!

The Cranberries sang it best! “Zombie Zombie Zombie Zombie Zombie!”

What I find hilarious is that the mother of the alleged Zombie Miami attacker claims her son is not a zombie!

Of course she would say that!! She is his mother!!! Someone check her for bath salts!!

Then there was  the story of a Maryland man who dismembered his roommate and then eating the heart and brain. Or the story of the guy in New York who opened himself up and began to chucking his insides to police.

The stories are popping up as clear as day!!!

The Daily Beast so kindly created a map showing the latest occurrences of the Zombie attacks!! Check it the map here! From the way it seems, the attacks have originated in Florida and seem to be moving West.

Florida… we have just  had a meeting. It is time we cut you off and send you into the Gulf of Mexico. You may take the Miami Heat players with you.

And then low and behold I find this news story on MSN this morning. I nearly wet my pants!

The real disease that turns people to ‘zombies

Cue mental breakdown before getting my weaponry is order, alphabetized and loaded.

There is a  very real, and very deadly disease does exist (spread by some bug), called Africa trypanosomiasis or “sleeping sickness,” and some scientists say that it turns people to “zombies”.

Well I don’t know about any of y’all but its time to be high-stepping to your nearest heavy artillery shop and load up like the dickens.

Like the dickens!

Also don’t worry people, in the even of a zombie apocalypse I had written a post on the needed survival skills to survive.

Don’t forget to read up here!

The more you know!!!

While You Were Partying/Getting Hammered/Laying in a Gutter, I Was Digging Up Some News

This weekend I became one…. with the TV. We got immensely close. I was glad to get back in the saddle with my ole buddy. Everyone knows the best source of news is through TV. Duh!

Over this weekend, I am sure some important stuff happened. Something like Octomom is attempting porn…. oh excuse me…. got a little vomit in my mouth.

However, I want to get the hard-hitting news. The issues that weigh on the minds of Americans. The situation at hand.

I am talking about Rhianna …. on Saturday Night Live.

Rhianna was Saturday Night Live’s musical guest this past Saturday. She covered three songs, Birthday Cake, Talk the Talk, and finally Where Have You Been.

Reviews for her performance have been shockingly great. S2S magazine said “Rhianna ruled the stage” and described her performances as “epic“.

Really? Epic??? I was thinking more on the lines of…. “In badly need of  itch cream.”

Let me know what you think

I seriously caught like 6 pattings of the nether regions. If she wasn’t patting it, she was referencing the area pretty dramatically. Her arms and hands were so awkward that I honestly didn’t pay attention to her actual performance.  So it could have been epic… who knows!!!

I came up with a few reasons why Rhianna kept patting herself.

  1. She forgot her to apply her “cream”.
  2. She was reminding us all what it was.
  3. Michael Jackson’s anniversary of death is next month. Possible homage to the Prince?
  4. Possibility of it jumping off and running away.
  5. YEAST!!!
  6. She left her special conditioner on a little too long.
  7. She let Kourtney Kardashian wax her.
  8. She working on a new wrestling move
  9. It wasn’t a suggestion but rather an invite.
  10. Crabs crabs and more crabs.

Either way, Rhianna needs to get that checked. You never mess around with a situation down there.

You may return to your FOX news and Antique Roadshow.

Wordless Wednesday: I Don’t Want to Live On This Planet Anymore

Thanks to James Cameron (seriously James stop!!) we get to have Titanic be re-released in 3D!!

Uhhhhh… yay??

Wow…. I can think of a billion things off the top of my head that I would rather do then see Titanic.

Again!

1. Cut my toe nails

2.  Super glue my self to vagina

3. Organize my stamp collection.

  4. Chew gum

But this post isn’t about me…. nooooo. It’s about other dumb people. Yes!! Other dumb people who tweet.

After reading this…. you might need a hug.

There are no words for this.

I mean… how? Who? What?

(Shakes head)

Dear Word Press

Dear WordPress,

Who do my friends gotta nail in order to get me Freshly Pressed, man?

I followed all your rules about Tags, Categories. I am putting myself out there. Twitter is pimping me. I can’t be any more pimped!! The STD’s need to pus up and heal!!!

I say, Word Press, start in alphabetical order of all blogs by their blog title. That way everyone gets a turn.  Obviously, you will have to read each of the blogs to determine whether they are Word Press material but too bad.

I didn’t sign up for the job. YOU DID!

I also suggest you also give preference to people who have been here a while. I have been blogging close to 3 years. Where is my 3 year anniversary blogging certificate? Maybe you could send me a jacket or a watch.

Something to know you value my words and thoughts and the fact that I assist in helping bringing people to this site!!!

How you pick me dumbfounds me?

What exactly are your qualifications for being Freshly Pressed?

Republican? Recently off of Oxycontin?

Do you allow cussing?

If not, say something!

I mean it’s not going to stop me from fucking cussing but then I can start Occupy Word Press and get you to change your liberal minds.

One step at a time, Word Press. One step at a time.

So please, Word Press lower your standards!! That way you can Freshly Press someone and make their day… like me!

Think of the lowly housewife who needs to vent. If not, she has enough chemicals under her kitchen sink to blow us all sky-high!

Think of the regular ole redneck who just wants to blog about catching gators and restoring his pappy’s pappy’s pappy’s pappy’s pappy’s house.

Think of the little Mexican girl who never had the balls to actually write anything so she gets writing outta her system by blogging about how hot Bo Derek is and we all should have plans prepared for the nearing Zombie Apocalypse.

Think.

Wanna do me a favor?

Freshly Press this!

Sincerely,

Marina Sleeps

If There Is One Thing You Learn Today Let It Be This (#StopKony)

Last night I put my kids to bed. I put them in their special pajamas. I tucked them in. I ran my fingers over their hair and their faces as I talked to them about what we are doing tomorrow. I kissed them goodnight.

They smiled and closed their eyes and drifted off to sleep. They did this with a care, worry, or fear in the world. For them, there is always a tomorrow.It’s something they will always count on.

They were born here. America, land of the great home of the free. They are protected, they have rights.

Others are not so lucky.

The one point that hit it hard for me was that one line:

Whether you live or not should not be determined by where you live in the world.

I am totally enthralled by this story. I am totally moved. I am going to order my action kit. And I am going to make Kony famous.

I Hang My Head In Shame

So yesterday I took a vacation day from work.

My husband and I went to my daughters’ award  assembly. She got the terrific kid award which I think is the equivalent to an employee of the month.

I asked her if she got any bonuses, extra benefits, a raise and she told me she received two pencils, a sticker, and a hug.  Wow, she is going to make a perfect candidate working for Wal-Mart!!!

I kid!! Hopefully its Target she works for. Who doesn’t like Target?!?!

After that, it was breakfast, running errands, taking all my kids to the dentist which is very exhausting.

I hate going to the dentist probably more than my kids do.

If you ever wanna feel like a shitty parent, feel like you couldn’t possibly hit bottom, by all means go the dentist.

Two of my kids had cavities so they got fillings.  Man the entire time, this one guy was talking shit to me. THE ENTIRE TIME!!

They brush every day people!! I swear it!! They don’t even eat candy. Ask them!! They always ask if they can have some, and I always say no.

I don’t have a sweet tooth so whether or not they do, they don’t get shit!

My kids are guilty of drinking a lot of juices. That’s my fault. I honestly didn’t realize that it was so bad.

Yes! Slap me!

But god damn, this one dentist was giving it to me hard! Hard!

I told him I understand. I will limit the juices, they won’t have any sweets til October.

I could not get out there quicker.

The next time I go there, if someone makes a comment again, I think I am gonna pick my kid and walk out and take my business somewhere else.

Dude what is up with that?!?!

I remember going to the ER and the nurse drilling me how my daughter got hurt.  Simple. She was climbing a tree and fell. A tree that she has climbed over a hundred times.

Am I not suppose to let them play or be kids?

She was probing my daughter because she couldn’t exactly ask if mommy hurts her. She did let her know that this is a safe place and she could say anything here and nothing bad was going to happen to her.

What!??!

Nothing was even broken. I took her to make sure she was fine  and didn’t have a concussion. I remember my daughter even getting annoyed, stopping with the nurse in the room asking me why she keeps asking her over and over. She fell off a tree enough said.

I understand that there are certain things they have to ask but do they have probe and basically make you feel like you scum of the earth because your kid had stains on a back tooth or because she was playing in a tree.

Ughhhhhhhhh, I am frustrated now because I am sure 75% of the time, a parent is a good parent. Nurturing, loving, careful. However, don’t you have to let your kids be kids?

And because I am sensitive as fuck, this shit is going to be bothering me for a least a week.

After that, we took the kids to a nice dinner of their choice for Savannah’s award.

All in all, it was a great day.

And that is why there is no Thursday movie review today.

I also got two pair of shoes.

Score!!!

That’s Not Your Baby Kanye

Dearest Kanye,

It’s come to light that you were missing at the Grammy’s yesterday… which is odd because you had a whole entire field with seven nominations—and you actually won four, including Best Rap Performance.

First off, let me just say that you are very talented. I like almost every song you have made.

But you were missing…. at a place where they give awards…and  four of them where for you!!!

I’m confused….

For someone who is sooooooo (what’s a nice word for it) arrogant, conceited, full of them self, thinks his shit don’t stink.. you sure missed your chance to promote yourself… without looking like a douche bag!!

We would have allowed it!! There would have been less eye rolling then usual!

However, you didn’t show!!

There where plenty of young girls you could have stolen the mic from.

Hmm, what could it be?? Where you protesting that your album wasn’t considered a nominee for Album of the Year?? Or is it because you don’t like talking when its actually your turn to talk?

Well, I think I figured it out.  I think I have solved this.

Does everyone remember the fateful day…. September 13,2009? We all gathered around our TV’s to watch the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards. Taylor Swift had just been awarded best female video. As she was giving her speech…. this happens!!

Kanye: Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you , I’m going to let you finish but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time…one of the best of all time!

What? Beyonce?!? Why are you endorsing her?

Who are you always around??

Beyonce!!!

Who have you  collaborated in music with??

Beyonce!!

Who does he wish he was???

Jay-Z!!!

Why?

Because he is in love with Beyonce!!!

While else would he get up on stage, take away a mic from the a 19 year old girl, and embarrass himself by profess his admiration for another beloved artist??

He is love!! That’s the only excuse!! Love!!

So why was he missing from the Grammy’s?? Because Beyonce just had a baby. And he had to be there with her. Helping out…. wishing that Beyonce had mated with him … and pretending that Blue Ivy was his daughter!!

Sigh, poor Kanye West. He can only dream.

However, until then, he will be behind the scenes sneaking cuddles with the baby, catching glimpses of Beyonce breastfeeding.

Don’t be surprised if he gets all The Hand That Rocks the Cradle crazy!

Kanye, that’s not your baby!!

Sincerely,
MarinaSleeps

Photo Bomb!!!

I am unsure if I am  hung over or still asleep.

I don’t remember drinking or sleeping.

So here is the best half-ass Monday blog I can give you.

Hopefully, it will start the newest trend and people will post photo bombs everywhere.

I know I want to do it… but maybe tomorrow.

Seriously, didn't the person taking the pic see the most obvious?!?!

Whoa.... what is this selling cause I am buying!!

 

Ha ha Burn!!!

 

Ha ha ... I can't .... ha ha ha.... classic!!

Creep Alert

Heyyyyy isn't that....

What the,,,, what are they feeding these kids??

 

And there you go.

Now go forth …. Photo Bomb everywhere!

Wanted: Seeking a Fan/Stalker/Crazy About Me

It’s come to my attention that because this  is my 27th year and I, for this year, am in the elite  club called the 27 club where  celebrities that are remarkable geniuses all died.

When?

When they were all 27 years old.

Don’t believe me … read all about it here.

So since my celebrity status has peaked, I realized that something was missing.

I need a stalker.

I do have a few requirements for you auditioning as the role of my stalker.

You must be female, you must not be the “Son of Sam” crazy, and your obsession of me must be healthy.

I want someone to hide in the bushes and follow me, know how to use a camera, and be singing the “You’re Beautiful” song by James Blunt as they follow me through my daily commute.

So let’s get ready to get healthy!!

If you are interested in applying for the job, fill out the form and put it either post it in the comments or a blog post and link me so I can read it.

I will definitely pick the best ones and post here and later on pick a winner.

Name: _______________________________

Favorite Color: ________________

Song You Would Sing to Me: _________________________

Are you allergic to any type of bushes or trees:  ________________________

Can you afford to me smother me in bling: _________________________

What type of lens to do you use in your camera: __________________________

Which is my best side: _____________

Have you had experience in stalking: YES or NO

If yes, who did you stalk: ______________________

Why did you stop stalking: ____________________________

Will you be dedicated to me (Explain) : ______________________

Why Should I Pick You: __________________________

Additional Comments (Bonus Points): ___________________________________________________________________________

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Wacky Wednesday – Vermin Supreme for Prez!!!

With a name like Vermin Supreme, how can you not vote for him??

He has a plan!!

Ponies for everyone!

He is creating a secret dental police!!

We all need to donate a kidney!!

Zombies will be used for power source!

And he wears a boot on his head!!

Genius??

I say yes!!

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