In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Posts tagged ‘Please Explain This To Me’

While You Were Crashing the Kennedys’ parties/Running from West Nile I was scratching up some losers!

Seriously you guys… West Nile ain’t no joke. I have like 50 mosquito bites. The odds are one of them has to be West Nile infected. Geez, why couldn’t this disease stay in Egypt?!

While we are freaking out about these blood sucking little insects, there was real news going on out there. And in between scratches, I found some news that I think you need to know.

Plus I think reading about stupid people is a good ego boost for all of us regular sane people!!

Sometimes you think people must have a bit of a conscience or filter when they are committing crimes.  At least to the point where they can avoid getting caught.

Not this man.

 

World, I would like you to meet Joshua Basso.

This Florida man (again Florida? What are you guys smoking over there?)  was arrested and charged with misusing the 911 system after admitting to investigators that he made seven separate calls between last Wednesday and Friday requesting female deputies for sex.

Da fuck….

The funny thing is this guy was arrested for doing the exact same thing in November of 2009.

Back then, he claimed to be masturbating while he queried an emergency operator about her breasts and whether she would be willing to have sex with him.

Here is the link to listen to his 911 call from 2009. You know you wanna…

Perv 911 Call

This mosquito epidemic is hitting the nation in full force. I am right now scratching my legs with a razor.

And some people are calling 911 when they get bit!

A Fort Worth woman recently called the ambulance service to report that her 1-year-old nephew was apparently bitten.

“And I got scared because that bite looks like that mosquito bite like they show on the TV,” the woman said.

The 911 operator asked if the baby was awake and responsive.

“Yes, he’s playing around like normal,” the woman said. “I just want to make sure that it’s nothing, you know, dangerous.”

MedStar EMS say they have received a number of similar calls.

Ok, even as sit here covered in mosquitoes, I have to say that’s pretty funny.

People! I may be complaining but I know I should have brought my anti-itch creme and some alcohol to work to keep soothing my bites. And I also know too that if I start to feel flu-like symptoms, I should head to my doctor to get it checked out.  911 can’t do anything for your itchiness.

Sometimes… late at night…. I get scared for the future.

Before I go… back to work…. I would like to express my condolences to the family of our American hero Neil Armstrong.

Armstrong was the first man on the moon, followed shortly after by Buzz Aldrin. Yes, he is famous for something else besides ‘Dancing with the Stars’ on ABC. Seriously, if that’s the only reason you know him, just stop reading now. Anyway, like any other major historical event, there’s a group of freaks out there that think the whole event was staged. I’m talking about the moon landing, not ‘Dancing with the Stars’, by the way. I’m pretty sure “DWTS” is totally staged.

Here is how Buzz Aldrin reacts to one of those nay-sayers.

God Bless America!!!

Dear Women of the Nation

Dear Women of the Nation,

 

I would like this time to express my condolences to our gender. A part of us died this week and I feel I need to bring attention to it.

For many years, our great great great grandmothers like Susan B Anthony fought for our rights and our equality. Somehow that great respect has been tarnished.

What am I talking about? Well, let me tell you a story.

The setting: Erwin, Tennessee.  The year: 2001.

A mother by the name of Mysti Potter was teaching her 3-year-old daughter to drive.

Yes! Her 3-year-old daughter.

Hmmm, why would you need to teach your 3-year-old to drive?? Ohhhh, maybe so she could run down to the store and get her mother a pack of cigarettes!! Totally makes sense.

Flash back to 2012:  Mysti’s daughter, at age 14, set off  driving a stolen car lead police in a two-state high-speed chase.

People I can’t even make this shit up! I can’t. I tried.

It gets better!!

Mysti’s daughter (unnamed BECAUSE SHE’S 14!) stole a friend’s mom’s Jeep and had actually picked her mother up so Mysti could get a pack of cigarettes. Mysti didn’t know the Jeep was stolen and WAS surprised her daughter elected for a high-speed chase — since she’s ALWAYS told her to pull over if the police flag her down.

Well now, how did the daughter not heed her mother’s advice?? Maybe since she has been driving since she was 3, she freaked out being pursued by a cop.

I really like how the mother doesn’t seem surprised at all. She was just chilling on the news smoking a cigarette.  Like if it was always a matter of time he daughter was going to be on a high-speed chase through two states!!

Really, what can you say? I am at a loss for words.

And you would think it would end there. That a woman with a IQ of 50 would be a once in a million thing.

I am sorry to disappoint you all… but there are more.

A Providence, Rhode Island woman was arrested Tuesday night by Rhode Island State Police troopers after she allegedly rear-ended them while drunk.

Ok, that is pretty stupid. No… that’s fucking retarded.  The only other thing she could have done that would be labeled as mentally insane would be to walk into a police station shouting that she was hammered!!

Of course, the police pull her over. And what do they find?

The woman had her two young children in the car at the time she did it, but luckily they were not injured.   A breath test showed her blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit.

So… to recap… a woman drunk as hell reams a cop car with two children in her car. And she wasn’t even a little drunk. She was like Hangover Part 3: Reaming into to Cop Cars drunk!

The 32-year-old mother’s  3-month-old was in a booster seat (Booster????!!!!!) but the seat wasn’t connected to the car and wasn’t properly restrained.  The 6-year-old was not restrained in any way.

SMH!!!

I am so glad she hardly ever (HARDLY EVER… so not never) drives drunk with her kids.

What the hell??

Everything is just going to hell!! I actually fear for the future. Hopefully I don’t make it pass 30 years old.  It’s just too scary out there.

We all need to form a group and not only get these kids outta these environments, but we also need a way to confiscate these women’s ovaries! Stop mass producing women!! Just stop it! I beg you!!

Can we do it? Can we confiscate women’s ovaries? Think how many kids we could save!!

So  while I try to figure out how to commence Save the Ovaries from Stupid Women 2012, watch this:

Will is the only other person that feels as I do!!

 

 

Wordless Wednesday- (Facebook) Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

I don’t have a Facebook.

Part of me doesn’t want one. I can not handle people that I went to school with trying to reach me. Seriously. I see old classmates and I duck and run. I am constantly checking the local arrest photos secretly hoping to run into a photo of someone I knew from high school.

I am evil … no need to tell me twice.

But when I see instances like these it kinda makes me wanna join Facebook to see these retards first hand.

Its like you don’t wanna be a part of the car wreck but you don’t mind watching from a  safe distance. Hopefully the people in these depictions are in that wrecked car.

Is there such things as too much information?

You may not know this but your pain is funny.

What is that face you make when you are Twitter stunned?

O0

-

Something like that.

All I can say is this status definitely wins Most Likely to Have the Cops Called.

Hey self-righteous chick, its the truth! If anything the positivity should be applauded even if it sounds trashy!

Yikes! That premature ejaculation is always a kicker.

I’m appalled that no one mentioned the good sense that occurs on Facebook every so often!

Never piss off someone who can not spell!

Whoa people of Facebook! The only winner here is Jason!

Round of applause for Jason!!

So there you have it… a sample of  sweet technology being used to air out all your dirty laundry.

Just make sure to air it out a safe distance from the general population!

While You Were Partying/Getting Hammered/Waiting for the Zombie Apocalypse I Was Building my Zombie Fort

I still can’t stop shuddering over the face eating freak in Miami. If that isn’t a reason to freak out, then I really don’t know what is.

People it is time to commence  the freak out!

It is happening! The Zombie Apocalypse is among us!!

Miami!!! How can you explain this?!?!

A man was eating another man’s face!! Why am I the only one going crazy about this right now!?!?!

He wouldn’t even stop after repeating being yelled out by a cop. He wouldn’t stop til he was shot dead! Hopefully her was double tapped in the head!! And he was naked. Well both men were. This instance alone can’t scream zombie apocalypse louder!!

And now health officials are blaming bath salts for the instance! Are you serious?!?!? Could we be more in denial?!?!

The Cranberries sang it best! “Zombie Zombie Zombie Zombie Zombie!”

What I find hilarious is that the mother of the alleged Zombie Miami attacker claims her son is not a zombie!

Of course she would say that!! She is his mother!!! Someone check her for bath salts!!

Then there was  the story of a Maryland man who dismembered his roommate and then eating the heart and brain. Or the story of the guy in New York who opened himself up and began to chucking his insides to police.

The stories are popping up as clear as day!!!

The Daily Beast so kindly created a map showing the latest occurrences of the Zombie attacks!! Check it the map here! From the way it seems, the attacks have originated in Florida and seem to be moving West.

Florida… we have just  had a meeting. It is time we cut you off and send you into the Gulf of Mexico. You may take the Miami Heat players with you.

And then low and behold I find this news story on MSN this morning. I nearly wet my pants!

The real disease that turns people to ‘zombies

Cue mental breakdown before getting my weaponry is order, alphabetized and loaded.

There is a  very real, and very deadly disease does exist (spread by some bug), called Africa trypanosomiasis or “sleeping sickness,” and some scientists say that it turns people to “zombies”.

Well I don’t know about any of y’all but its time to be high-stepping to your nearest heavy artillery shop and load up like the dickens.

Like the dickens!

Also don’t worry people, in the even of a zombie apocalypse I had written a post on the needed survival skills to survive.

Don’t forget to read up here!

The more you know!!!

While You Were Partying/Getting Hammered/Laying in a Gutter, I Was Digging Up Some News

This weekend I became one…. with the TV. We got immensely close. I was glad to get back in the saddle with my ole buddy. Everyone knows the best source of news is through TV. Duh!

Over this weekend, I am sure some important stuff happened. Something like Octomom is attempting porn…. oh excuse me…. got a little vomit in my mouth.

However, I want to get the hard-hitting news. The issues that weigh on the minds of Americans. The situation at hand.

I am talking about Rhianna …. on Saturday Night Live.

Rhianna was Saturday Night Live’s musical guest this past Saturday. She covered three songs, Birthday Cake, Talk the Talk, and finally Where Have You Been.

Reviews for her performance have been shockingly great. S2S magazine said “Rhianna ruled the stage” and described her performances as “epic“.

Really? Epic??? I was thinking more on the lines of…. “In badly need of  itch cream.”

Let me know what you think

I seriously caught like 6 pattings of the nether regions. If she wasn’t patting it, she was referencing the area pretty dramatically. Her arms and hands were so awkward that I honestly didn’t pay attention to her actual performance.  So it could have been epic… who knows!!!

I came up with a few reasons why Rhianna kept patting herself.

  1. She forgot her to apply her “cream”.
  2. She was reminding us all what it was.
  3. Michael Jackson’s anniversary of death is next month. Possible homage to the Prince?
  4. Possibility of it jumping off and running away.
  5. YEAST!!!
  6. She left her special conditioner on a little too long.
  7. She let Kourtney Kardashian wax her.
  8. She working on a new wrestling move
  9. It wasn’t a suggestion but rather an invite.
  10. Crabs crabs and more crabs.

Either way, Rhianna needs to get that checked. You never mess around with a situation down there.

You may return to your FOX news and Antique Roadshow.

Wordless Wednesday: I Don’t Want to Live On This Planet Anymore

Thanks to James Cameron (seriously James stop!!) we get to have Titanic be re-released in 3D!!

Uhhhhh… yay??

Wow…. I can think of a billion things off the top of my head that I would rather do then see Titanic.

Again!

1. Cut my toe nails

2.  Super glue my self to vagina

3. Organize my stamp collection.

  4. Chew gum

But this post isn’t about me…. nooooo. It’s about other dumb people. Yes!! Other dumb people who tweet.

After reading this…. you might need a hug.

There are no words for this.

I mean… how? Who? What?

(Shakes head)

Dear Word Press

Dear WordPress,

Who do my friends gotta nail in order to get me Freshly Pressed, man?

I followed all your rules about Tags, Categories. I am putting myself out there. Twitter is pimping me. I can’t be any more pimped!! The STD’s need to pus up and heal!!!

I say, Word Press, start in alphabetical order of all blogs by their blog title. That way everyone gets a turn.  Obviously, you will have to read each of the blogs to determine whether they are Word Press material but too bad.

I didn’t sign up for the job. YOU DID!

I also suggest you also give preference to people who have been here a while. I have been blogging close to 3 years. Where is my 3 year anniversary blogging certificate? Maybe you could send me a jacket or a watch.

Something to know you value my words and thoughts and the fact that I assist in helping bringing people to this site!!!

How you pick me dumbfounds me?

What exactly are your qualifications for being Freshly Pressed?

Republican? Recently off of Oxycontin?

Do you allow cussing?

If not, say something!

I mean it’s not going to stop me from fucking cussing but then I can start Occupy Word Press and get you to change your liberal minds.

One step at a time, Word Press. One step at a time.

So please, Word Press lower your standards!! That way you can Freshly Press someone and make their day… like me!

Think of the lowly housewife who needs to vent. If not, she has enough chemicals under her kitchen sink to blow us all sky-high!

Think of the regular ole redneck who just wants to blog about catching gators and restoring his pappy’s pappy’s pappy’s pappy’s pappy’s house.

Think of the little Mexican girl who never had the balls to actually write anything so she gets writing outta her system by blogging about how hot Bo Derek is and we all should have plans prepared for the nearing Zombie Apocalypse.

Think.

Wanna do me a favor?

Freshly Press this!

Sincerely,

Marina Sleeps

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