In the room where I sleep … my thoughts overflow.

Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

Reality Shows Stupid but Entertaining

There are some really dumb shows on TV.For some reason, my husband is really into the reality ones that come out on Discovery and A&E like Big Catch or Moonshiners.

Have you seen that Amish Mafia one? Freaking stupid!! I can’t believe people watch it!! It’s absolutely horrible that it is funny! If there is an ounce of truth in the show, these must the stupidest people ever. Yes, there are shows like Honey Boo Boo that are dumb as well. But that’s the purpose of those shows. So when you watch them, you can sigh a breath of relief that you are doing something right. Shows like the Amish Mafia are trying to be serious and act like they are so hardcore.

My husband over the years has really been into this one show called The Devil’s Ride.

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Its about a biker gang, The Laughing Devils,  and  their reign in San Diego. Up until recently they were the most popular and biggest gang there until an ex-member decided to start his own rival gang, Sinister Mob, with the same colors!! So now, both gangs can not co-exist. It just can’t be done.

devil-600-1391104674    Do they do illegal things? I haven’t watched enough to say yes. However, I saw last night’s episode and rival gang Sinister Mob went around beating the tar out of members of Laughing Devils. And they showed it. Happily.

  And I am just wondering, is this for real? Where is Hell’s Angels show? Would they be stupid to air all their activity on Discovery? I don’t know how real this show is. So far all the information verified that these are real bikers with a real gang. If that’s true, then why aren’t the San Diego police pounding on their doors?

  Another thing too, these bikers talk a lot of shit. A lot of the show is about them planning and planning and raising hell with words, puffing their chest out acting all bad ass. BUT THEN NOTHING HAPPENS!! Yesterday, there were actually fists raised but I think that was the first time I have seen that and not just talking about it. This show is an embarrassment to bikers every where I bet. It’s almost cringe worthy.

I watch another episode tonight.

Yes, I am still watching it. Everyone likes drama!! I am hoping someone cries!!

The Art of Catching Some Zzzzz’s

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Being a mother is extremely demanding. Somehow you are the first one up and the last one to bed. You are always extremely tired and can be found falling asleep as you practice reading with your daughter. You anxiously await the anticipated bed time where you can snuggle in your sheets, lay your head on your puffed up pillow and fall gracefully to sleep the way princesses do in movies.

However is that really the case?

I can be falling asleep on the way home from work, on the couch, the dinning table, even as you move about assembling the essentials for the next day. However, as soon as I lay in bed, it gets COMPLICATED!!

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Ideally I want to lay on my back. If I position my pillows just right, both my shoulders properly proportioned equally on the pillow will make for a nice restful sleep. See, this is the type of Science they should be teaching in school. The physics of perfectly aligned shoulders.

But still, I can’t fall asleep. This is not the position I am used too! You see, we recently got my baby boy to stop sleeping with us. When he was a baby, we messed up by putting him in the bed with us all because we wanted an extra few hours of sleep during feedings and diaper changings.

SO SUE US!

Then he just grew super fast and pretty soon I was the one hanging off the edge. Everyone morning, my shoulders would ache because I was forced to sleep on my side all night!

So we moved him into his room. Then we felt guilty and I was cold. So there he went back into our bed. T-ball started for him. He then decided that he was a big boy and could not sleep with us. So there he went back to his bed in his room. I was sad. I missed him. But my shoulders didn’t. In one night I was cured and could never go back to the old way again.

But like all great things, the season ended as well as Ryan’s desire to be a big boy. We couldn’t get him to stay the night in his room. Finally, it donned on us to bring his bed into our room. So we did that… and we have our bed back. Hopefully, we will have our room back.

Sigh….

So I lay there fully enjoying the arms space I have. I now have the power to roll up in a little ball, spread out like an X and even sleep side ways. The possibilities are endless! But I just ache for comfort and want to fully enjoy the space laying on my back.

Still, it doesn’t feel comfortable. What do I do with these arms of mine? Do I cross them over my chest like Wednesday from The Adams Family?

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No that’s weird and uncomfortable. Imagine if I died like that… the medics will think I am  some kind of witch or satanic sleeper.

I finally give up and just roll on my right side like always. I curl my legs up practically in my body and relax. Hopefully, I will just know to change it up in the middle of the night.

Then I start to feel something uncomfortable.

My ankles are touching each other and it’s driving me CRAZY!! My knees are boney and rubbing against each other! If I spread my legs that feels foreign… uhhhhhhhhhh!!!

I just wanna sleep!! I finally just roll over on my stomach and hope the smothering of my face in the pillow will be enough to knock me unconscious!

What is that my feet are hitting?!?!

Ryan is now sleeping horizontally on the edge of our bed!!!!

Dear Women of the Nation

Dear Women of the Nation,

 

I would like this time to express my condolences to our gender. A part of us died this week and I feel I need to bring attention to it.

For many years, our great great great grandmothers like Susan B Anthony fought for our rights and our equality. Somehow that great respect has been tarnished.

What am I talking about? Well, let me tell you a story.

The setting: Erwin, Tennessee.  The year: 2001.

A mother by the name of Mysti Potter was teaching her 3-year-old daughter to drive.

Yes! Her 3-year-old daughter.

Hmmm, why would you need to teach your 3-year-old to drive?? Ohhhh, maybe so she could run down to the store and get her mother a pack of cigarettes!! Totally makes sense.

Flash back to 2012:  Mysti’s daughter, at age 14, set off  driving a stolen car lead police in a two-state high-speed chase.

People I can’t even make this shit up! I can’t. I tried.

It gets better!!

Mysti’s daughter (unnamed BECAUSE SHE’S 14!) stole a friend’s mom’s Jeep and had actually picked her mother up so Mysti could get a pack of cigarettes. Mysti didn’t know the Jeep was stolen and WAS surprised her daughter elected for a high-speed chase — since she’s ALWAYS told her to pull over if the police flag her down.

Well now, how did the daughter not heed her mother’s advice?? Maybe since she has been driving since she was 3, she freaked out being pursued by a cop.

I really like how the mother doesn’t seem surprised at all. She was just chilling on the news smoking a cigarette.  Like if it was always a matter of time he daughter was going to be on a high-speed chase through two states!!

Really, what can you say? I am at a loss for words.

And you would think it would end there. That a woman with a IQ of 50 would be a once in a million thing.

I am sorry to disappoint you all… but there are more.

A Providence, Rhode Island woman was arrested Tuesday night by Rhode Island State Police troopers after she allegedly rear-ended them while drunk.

Ok, that is pretty stupid. No… that’s fucking retarded.  The only other thing she could have done that would be labeled as mentally insane would be to walk into a police station shouting that she was hammered!!

Of course, the police pull her over. And what do they find?

The woman had her two young children in the car at the time she did it, but luckily they were not injured.   A breath test showed her blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit.

So… to recap… a woman drunk as hell reams a cop car with two children in her car. And she wasn’t even a little drunk. She was like Hangover Part 3: Reaming into to Cop Cars drunk!

The 32-year-old mother’s  3-month-old was in a booster seat (Booster????!!!!!) but the seat wasn’t connected to the car and wasn’t properly restrained.  The 6-year-old was not restrained in any way.

SMH!!!

I am so glad she hardly ever (HARDLY EVER… so not never) drives drunk with her kids.

What the hell??

Everything is just going to hell!! I actually fear for the future. Hopefully I don’t make it pass 30 years old.  It’s just too scary out there.

We all need to form a group and not only get these kids outta these environments, but we also need a way to confiscate these women’s ovaries! Stop mass producing women!! Just stop it! I beg you!!

Can we do it? Can we confiscate women’s ovaries? Think how many kids we could save!!

So  while I try to figure out how to commence Save the Ovaries from Stupid Women 2012, watch this:

Will is the only other person that feels as I do!!

 

 

So Optimistic I Wanna Kill Someone

Oh God… it’s Monday.

Even though I don’t want to be “here” I am still giving it my all. I am still a good mood. I am not taking out my internal anger on how the weekend flew by so fast on anyone here.

So here  I am happy and working at the office.

Then shit just got real!

Shit hit the fan.

And now I am royally pist that I wanna take my stapler and beat some people over the head with it.

I notice that one of the vendors is bringing in some donuts.

Preferably, I don’t care for sweets. I just don’t. If you made me choose between a steak and cake I will always pick the steak. Every time. We, in the office, see the vendor walking in and all I say is, “Man I wish he had brought some breakfast tacos. My stomach can’t handle sugar this morning.”

As soon as the vendor walks in I greet him and my co-worker throws me under the bus saying, “Tell him what you said.”

I was like what the fuck are you doing…

He goes and ahead and says that I said the old vendor used to bring in breakfast tacos.

Mother fucker!!

Are you kidding me? Are we in high school???

Then the ass hole co-worker tells me that now the vendor will bring breakfast tacos like if it was some sort of little plan he and I were in on!!

I did not say that. I didn’t even imply anything rude or mean. I didn’t even say it in a bitchy tone. If you know me, you will know that there isn’t any bitchiness in me.

Then the vendor goes and tells my boss. Oh they laugh it off like its a big joke.

I should never have opened my stupid mouth. I have no idea what is holding me back from spearing my co-worker in the eye with my purple BIC round stic Grip pen.

Then my boss asks me where a certain file it. I ask him what year it was done in. It was last year so I point him in the direction of  the 2011 files. Well he can’t find it so I get up and look for it. Then he gets exasperated and takes it upon himself to label all MY shit.

I spend the whole morning trying to find the damn folder come to find out that it wasn’t done last year but in 2010. It was his project you think he would know that. He has been here long enough, you would think he would know the system that THEY created and I just follow.

Then he feels like I am too messy and must label everything on my desk so he can find stuff. Nothing on my desk belongs to him!! I have nothing for him. The project folder was in the correct place according to year.

This is all just part of their plan to own me business-ly speaking… if that makes sense.

And I refuse. I refuse to be their little woman, their pet, their anything. I just work here and that’s all I wanna do. They seem to forget that I am the only women here and that my emotions can and will run wild. And if I ever was to murder them I would do it while I was on period. Women have got off for murder because they have pleaded temporary insanity.

We all can agree that we don’t need the only female in the office to go postal. God forbid, THOSE guys would have to actually do some work!!

So here I am clenching my fists, grinding my teeth trying to stay away from anything sharp.

Just breathe, smile…. its not everyone’s fault that you are surrounded by dumb asses.

Breathe….. smile….. breathe…..

I Hang My Head In Shame

So yesterday I took a vacation day from work.

My husband and I went to my daughters’ award  assembly. She got the terrific kid award which I think is the equivalent to an employee of the month.

I asked her if she got any bonuses, extra benefits, a raise and she told me she received two pencils, a sticker, and a hug.  Wow, she is going to make a perfect candidate working for Wal-Mart!!!

I kid!! Hopefully its Target she works for. Who doesn’t like Target?!?!

After that, it was breakfast, running errands, taking all my kids to the dentist which is very exhausting.

I hate going to the dentist probably more than my kids do.

If you ever wanna feel like a shitty parent, feel like you couldn’t possibly hit bottom, by all means go the dentist.

Two of my kids had cavities so they got fillings.  Man the entire time, this one guy was talking shit to me. THE ENTIRE TIME!!

They brush every day people!! I swear it!! They don’t even eat candy. Ask them!! They always ask if they can have some, and I always say no.

I don’t have a sweet tooth so whether or not they do, they don’t get shit!

My kids are guilty of drinking a lot of juices. That’s my fault. I honestly didn’t realize that it was so bad.

Yes! Slap me!

But god damn, this one dentist was giving it to me hard! Hard!

I told him I understand. I will limit the juices, they won’t have any sweets til October.

I could not get out there quicker.

The next time I go there, if someone makes a comment again, I think I am gonna pick my kid and walk out and take my business somewhere else.

Dude what is up with that?!?!

I remember going to the ER and the nurse drilling me how my daughter got hurt.  Simple. She was climbing a tree and fell. A tree that she has climbed over a hundred times.

Am I not suppose to let them play or be kids?

She was probing my daughter because she couldn’t exactly ask if mommy hurts her. She did let her know that this is a safe place and she could say anything here and nothing bad was going to happen to her.

What!??!

Nothing was even broken. I took her to make sure she was fine  and didn’t have a concussion. I remember my daughter even getting annoyed, stopping with the nurse in the room asking me why she keeps asking her over and over. She fell off a tree enough said.

I understand that there are certain things they have to ask but do they have probe and basically make you feel like you scum of the earth because your kid had stains on a back tooth or because she was playing in a tree.

Ughhhhhhhhh, I am frustrated now because I am sure 75% of the time, a parent is a good parent. Nurturing, loving, careful. However, don’t you have to let your kids be kids?

And because I am sensitive as fuck, this shit is going to be bothering me for a least a week.

After that, we took the kids to a nice dinner of their choice for Savannah’s award.

All in all, it was a great day.

And that is why there is no Thursday movie review today.

I also got two pair of shoes.

Score!!!

All The Ladies In The Back Say Hey!!

Quick thought: I was thinking this on the way to work. The only way I would not make it to work if I was on my way to work is if I got arrested or got in a car accident.  If any one of those happened, I would definitely try to call in. Maybe they would send me flowers in prison?

Over the weekend, I was hanging with my sister-in-law and she was mentioning the relationship her sister and her sister’s boyfriend have. Her sister has been out there in the dating scene and for the most part was getting tired of it. She finally met someone, a co-worker of my sister-in-law.

They have been together for some time, several months now. However, the guy is …. stupid.

Not like mentally…. more like he lacks the skills that would eventually lead him to an ass beating if he said the wrong thing.

He “jokes” around with the sister and often times goes a little overboard with the so-called “jokes”. The question is how far can he go claiming that he was only joking, a little friendly jabbing?

He “jokingly” makes remarks that would seem like he is insulting her. He always says things that actually belittle her and cut her down. For instance, she went to play golf with him and some people. On their way home, he said that he was surprise how well she did because she just is not athletic at all. Not like his ex girl-friend who  was so athletic!

Well, they just recently found out she is pregnant. He was excited. They both were. However, he is like always “joking” and said to her that she is so boring now because she is always so tired. She is getting fat. (Gasp!!) He might need to trade her in.

He says he is joking.

Repeatedly??

I don’t think so.

I think in cases like this where the guy is a complete dumb ass…. these type of men should be forced to wear a box with a glass case holding a bat. That way when they are out of line, all the girl has to do is break the glass and beat the ever-living crap outta him!

In fact, all men should wear these. If your glass is never broken, guess what? You win!! You are a keeper!!

This is not a man bashing blog.

I am married to a great guy, I can’t complain.

I have a son that is my world. I am currently teaching him not to drive me crazy!

And actually, guys are cool. I normally get a long way better with guys anyway.

No, this blog today is for the douches!

Douchebags make up  60% of men in the world.  My statistics. I have an elite bunch of researchers for your information.  I feel sorry for you because the average woman will run into these the majority of the time.

I hope once these ladies realize that they have, they break the figurative glass case and beat the fuck outta that relationship.

And because of this big percentage of losers, my theory is even more proven that God most definitely is a guy. And based on my findings, he is a douche.

Number one clue?

Are you on your period right now?

That just sums it all up doesn’t it!! Couldn’t God with his all heavenly and masterful design make some “other” way start the process of being able to have babies?? Why do we have to bleed like a stuck pig?? All guys have to go through is voice change.

That’s it!!

How unfair!!

And what about those cramps!?!? Do you know if men suffered from cramps which I call the introduction to contractions, cramps would be the number one health problem in the world?

And lets not even talk about the fatigue, the bloating, the headaches and emotional toll that we can expect every month?!?

Equality sure doesn’t exist in heaven! I bet the girl angels don’t even get paid as nearly as the guy angels too!

Clue Number 2?

Mental Anxiety.

I remember reading somewhere that forms of mental illness derived from women. Strange!!

Men have been pegging woman that they are crazy!

In fact, that is my no-no word. You can call me anything, but don’t call me crazy.

You want crazy? I will show you crazy!

Being called crazy all the time will sure turn you crazy. It will convince you that you are over reacting, that you are over analyzing stuff. You are just plain crazy!

It becomes a battle within your self!

Oooooo, fuck those kind of men!

And last but not least, Clue number 3.

Menopause.

Frankly, I ain’t there yet but from what I see with my mother. It’s basically like you are pregnant again. Hot flashes, mood swings, skin drying out, depression,  anxiety, irritability, memory problems and lack of concentration, and all other kinds of stuff.

It’s like a big fuckin kick in the pants reminding you that the youthfulness is gone!

And what do these all have common??

MEN!!

You think with all we have to go through there, these 60% of douches would get the hint that women should be treated with respect, love, and devotion.

I know not all women are peaches too but for the most part… if there is a woman by your side and she has been there through thick and thin… you should be placing her on a pedal stool!!

Worship her!!

Now to the above real life experience where the guy called my sister-in-law’s sister fat… well…. I think I am going to go buy a bat today.

Winter; How I loathe you?!?

Yes!

You know what I was doing at 6am in the mornin?

Scraping damn ice off my Tahoe. I did it with a cigarette box I found on the floor. I mean who keeps cardboard around or anything for scrapping windows?

Who?!?!?

I was going to turn on my froster  but my door wouldn’t open.

Stupid ice!
I pulled and pulled slipping and sliding and finally that door became unstuck.

I hate you Winter!!!

I know I would die if I moved up north. How do you people up there do it!??! I would need to permanently attach a heater to my ass!

I hate you winter!!

It doesn’t matter what I wear…. I am still freezing.  And even though I live in a dry hot city the majority of the year, once December hits I start to freak out. Frost bite is possible.

And though I know in all my final destinational thoughts, I am not going to freeze to death (my death is going to be in a car accident, I just know it) I sure as hell don’t wanna lose any of my piggies to Frost Bite.

My neighbor!

I can’t feel my toes…. seriously. The heat is at 72 degrees. We need to up it now!!!

It’s effin cold!

Just an update!

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